Ladies, Watch Out! Dangers of the Queen Bee Bully Boss

The Queen Bee: Bully Boss

No one likes a bully, especially if you’re on the receiving end of their tyranny. In the workplace, having a bully boss is one of the hardest situations to deal with—after all, your job is on the line. For women in the workplace, being bullied by another woman is particularly difficult. It can feel like the ultimate betrayal. Why? Because at the end of the day, women should be helping each other succeed and grow. And while that doesn’t mean showing favoritism despite performance, it does mean being supportive, not suppressive.

If we’re all in this together, why would females bully each other? Simply put, to protect their turf. In a March 1, 2013 Wall Street Journal article, The Tyranny of the Queen Bee, Peggy Drexler explains “Queen Bee Syndrome.” According to Drexler, a 1970s University of Michigan study concluded that “women who achieved success in male-dominated environments were at times likely to oppose the rise of other women….largely because the patriarchal culture of work encouraged the few women who rose to the top to become obsessed with maintaining their authority.”

Queen Bees Today

Forty years later, things may be different in the workplace, but some things never change. Female bully leaders are still out there, often being manipulative and downright mean in an effort to suppress other females who could potentially usurp their “queen bee” status. They intimidate, berate, and humiliate others—often calling out other women within earshot of colleagues or customers. These female DUD leaders bring everyone down with their negative, fear-inducing comments.

When I was preparing my book, Tune in To WOW Leadership for my publishing company I had one woman contact me asking for a review of her book on female leadership.  She claimed to be a proponent of other women and the need to help other women in business.  When she learned that I had a book about to be published she changed her tune.  She stated that we would be in competition and that she didn't want me to read her book.  Hello! Shouldn't we both have supported each other and not seen the other as a competitor? 

I certainly don't see my unique angle to leadership as competitive to anyone.  Her change of attitude lead me to believe that she only wanted to help women she thought would help her.  DUD leaders are afraid of others while WOW leaders embrace and support the good without fear of competition. 

Bullies will beat you down - If they can!

Bully bosses, whether male or female, seek power, prestige, and money above all else, and prey upon anyone who gets in the way of those self-serving goals. But queen bees often target their bullying more specifically to other women because they’re frequently perceived as the top threat to their self-preservation. Remember, one or two bad days or out-of-character meltdowns don’t make a leader a bully, but if there’s a repeated pattern of consistently bad behavior, you’re dealing with a DUD.

"Why can't women get along? Because we're afraid. We're afraid to be vulnerable. We're afraid to be soft. We're afraid to be hurt. But most of all, we're afraid of our power. So we become controlling and aggressive and vicious ." - Iyanla Vanzant

According to Forbes magazine, "Adults are facing it pretty tough, with woman-on-woman harassment (on the job) on the rise. Thirty-five percent of Americans reported being bullied at work, according to a 2010 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute." 

 How do you survive and attempt to thrive under queen-bee DUD leadership? I suggest you follow the same rules they follow in school.

"Women make much nastier office bullies than men."  -  Dr. Gary Namie, co-founder of Workplace Bullying Institute.

You can win and thrive

Schools teach kids to speak up about bullying—to tell a trusted adult and not to be intimidated into silence. The same applies in the workplace. Women need to be supportive of each other, but that doesn’t mean covering up or tolerating bullying behavior. Leaders who are bullies need to be dealt with, exposed, and held accountable for their behavior. They can’t be allowed to continue their reign of terror. Period.

Here’s what you should do if you are bullied at work:

1. Recognize. Recognize you’re being bullied and that you are NOT the source of the problem. Don’t let the queen bee shatter your confidence or detract you from your goals. The nasty leadership style of a bully has nothing to do with your performance or abilities—it’s a character flaw based on insecurity and a lack of integrity.
2. Record. If the queen bee bully is bold or arrogant enough to intimidate or strong-arm you via a text, email, or voice mail, don’t hit delete—save it! In addition, keep a journal or log of all the bullying statements or incidents. Keep detailed records that include time, location, and specific details about each altercation. Also make note of anyone else that may have been involved or may have witnessed the bullying. Gathering this body of evidence will come in handy later.
3. Report. Don’t let a pattern of queen bee bullying become a way of life in the workplace. Seek help from a higher-ranking leader or HR to expose the bully. Present the body of evidence you’ve gathered that illustrates the basis for your claims. It takes courage and evidence to report your boss, especially a powerful woman whose modus operandi is instilling fear and attempting to bring you down. Use your own WOW leadership skills to be strong, honest, and confident in your decision to do the right thing, even if it’s difficult. That also means reporting bullying even if it’s not directed at you. Don’t give bullies the power to keep bullying!

Once you recognize, record, and report queen bee bulling, you’ve made a commitment to wake up from the workplace nightmare and not remain trapped in a recurring anti-dream. It may take some time, but eventually things will get better. The best poetic justice is that eventually the queen bee is driven from the hive—that is, she’s fired or is forced to resign.

Here is a quote from Dr. Namie from the Forbes article I commented on earlier. His point of keeping the issue tied to productivity and business is a good one for all of us to remember.

“Report to your superiors and make it a business case on how the bully is affecting your productivity and driving up absenteeism. The minute you talk about how emotionally traumatized you are, you’re unlikely to get any help.” - Dr. Gary Namie

The best way to deal with a queen bee bully boss is to rise above the tyranny. Be confident and secure enough to call them out and report their offenses. There’s no place for queen-bee behavior in a progressive, forward-thinking company—deal with the DUDs to make room for the WOWs!

Here is a quote on bullying that will motivate you to charge forward and win.  I assure you that you can and will win against the queen bee bully in the office arena.

"Bullies want to abuse you. Instead of allowing that, you can use them as your personal motivators. Power up and let the bully eat your dust." - Nick Vujicic

Revenge is often thought of as negative. However, as you face the queen bee or the jerk at the office, think of Nick Vujicic's quote and "power up" and beat them by being better than they are. Being the best that you can be is the most positive revenge or bug repellant you can have on the queen bee.

Here is a video I produced on working with a DUD boss. I hope it helps you survive and thrive under a bad boss.

About The Author: Sheri Staak

More on Sheri Staak here at LinkedIn

While Sheri Staak is best known for leading, motivating, and directing large pharmaceutical sales teams, her passion is to help and mentor those on her team and in the world become WOW Leaders and WOW Individuals.

Her desire is to help both the established leader and the neophyte leader develop WOW Leadership skills and become financially secure. 

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What are your thoughts on the topic of queen bees and bullying at work?  Please share your thoughts and experiences below.  I make a point of reading each and every comment. Thank you for taking time to read my LinkedIn Post.