drunk wod

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  And, man that’s a fun road. The road to elite fitness is paved with burpees, and that is not fun at all.  Except, we’re going to make it a little more fun for you.

Grab a six pack and a shoulder to cry on.

For time:

150 burpees

Yeah, that’s the whole WOD. Drink every 10 burpees.  Take a big elite fucking drink.  Don’t you want to Rx the shit out of this WOD? Because really, there’s no way to scale it without just skipping the burpees and having some beer at a bar.  And no one becomes an elite athlete that way. 

And while we’re being honest, no one stays tight as a board for 150 drunken burpees. By those last 10, you’re going to be collapsing onto the floor and scraping the fuck out of your knees.  But it’s okay - the knee scrapes will make your deadlift scabs look even more hardcore.

Time bonus and penalty
First person to throw up: +60 seconds
Making it through 50 without throwing up: -20 seconds
Making it through 100 without throwing up: -40 seconds
Making it through all burpees without throwing up: -90 seconds

Post times and elite fucking WOD wounds to comments

The sweet elites over at CrossFit Coweta have posted an event.  We like it so much, we stole borrowed it.  

Their event reads:

THIS SHIT IS GONNA BE CRAZY!!!
The WOD will be free ($5.00 minimum donation, all proceeds will go straight to The Disposable Heroes Project)
Here is the WOD:
3…2…1…GO!
Drink a Beer
Run a MILE
Drink a Beer
50 Pull-ups
Drink a Beer
100 Push-ups
Drink a Beer
150 Squats
Drink a Beer
Run a MILE
Drink a Beer
TIME!!!
There will be prizes for those that go RX and Don’t puke, those that scale and don’t puke, and those that have the most memorable WOD!!!
Please don’t attempt this if you are not a seasoned CrossFitter and/or drinker, it will MESS YOU UP!!!!

There’s a couple of good things here:

1. Not only are you doing a drunk wod, you’re doing it FOR CHARITY

2. There’s prizes!

If you’re actually near Cowcrossfit, you should go and do it.  

I expect the pictures from this event to be epic.

It’s really cute how gyms try to come up with alternative Tabata workouts so that you don’t fall asleep during another cash out of Tabata squats or Tabata situps.  Soooo,  today, we’re doing Tabata drinking.  

Today’s drink is in honor of what might be the home country of Mister Tabata: SAKE.

Tabata Set 1:

shot of sake + situps

Tabata Set 2:

shot of sake + double unders

Tabata Set 3:

shot of sake + push ups

In case you’re still drunk from yesterday and forgot how Tabata works:

(20 seconds work + 10 seconds rest) x 8 rounds.  That’s four minutes of Tabatawesome.

When you get through these measly 12 minutes of work and sake shots, you’re going to feel like fucking Godzilla ready to stomp through Tokyo.  Go find some On-Ramp or Elements or Foundations or whatever the fuck that beginner bullshit is called at your gym.  Go find that class and stomp your way through their PVC Overhead squat circle screaming about your awesomeness and how you will destroy them all.  Watch them scatter out of your way like fruit sellers at the sunday market as you tear through their morning and show them what being elite looks like. RAWR.

Welcome to Monday. Now, go get some beer.  

Today’s WOD comes straight from Crossfit HQ (with a small modification):

Four rounds for time of:

• Row 500 meters
• Drink a beer
• Rest 3 minutes

By the magic of the internet, here is a demonstration video of this WOD

This video doesn’t have any branding on it, but there’s no way this wasn’t filmed in Crossfit box.  The guy on the right is wearing Vibrams, but no shirt and has long hair and large tattoos.  The guy on the right is in colorful Innov8’s and a Crossfit t-shirt.  

I don’t want to spoil the ending for you, but their times are 2:22 and 2:24. See if you can beat that each round.  And even better, send in the video of you demolishing their times.

We know you’re classy. There’s nothing like a little bit of scotch to brighten your weekend.

• 1 ½ oz Scotch
• ½ oz Drambuie
• 1 twist of Lemon peel

You think we’re assholes for encouraging you to drink and WOD? No, whoever set this shit up is an asshole.

You ready for something a little more civilized than some dogless sleds? 

First, make yourself a healthy helping of “Karen’s Melons” (seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried)

 Then, it’s time for Karen:

150 Wall Balls (men 20#-10′ / women 14#-9’)

Some of the elite athletes are doing this WOD in under 5 minutes. That’s over 30 tosses of Karen’s Melons, er, wall balls, per minute. But you already knew that, you smart beast.

I know that you won’t make it under 5 minutes. Why? Because the elites weren’t stopping every 10 reps to take a sip. But you are. And let’s face it. Who wants to do more than 10 wall balls at a time anyway? If they’re being honest – nobody. Not even fucking Iceland Annie or motherfucking Spealler likes this WOD. So, this just makes it better for everyone. Do 10, get a refreshing sip, do 10 more. It might take you an extra 2 minutes, but you’ll actually enjoy it.

Post time and feelings of ecstasy  to comments.

Today you will be doing the first three rounds of Event 7 from the 2011 Games, almost. Why not the entire thing? Because you’re not elite enough to do 30 handstand pushups and who the fuck has a sled that they can push? The 5 of you with a box that actually has a sled? You can shut the fuck up right now and go back to foam rolling eating paleo packs.

First mix up one (or two, or three) Dog Sled:

• 1 1/2 oz. Canadian Whisky
• 1 1/2 oz. orange juice 
• 1 tsp. grenadine 
• 1 tbsp. lemon juice

Once you’ve got your bigass Dog Sled, do this:

Three rounds of
30 Double-unders
135 pound Overhead squat, 10 reps

This is the standard “I fucked up, I have to drink.” WOD. Every time you smack the top of your foot with the jump rope, drink. Every time you get on your toes and dump the bar, drink. The only way you’re going to learn to link multiple double-unders and keep your ballance on OHS’s is by punishment and this is the WOD to do it to you. We’ll teach you to be elite if it kills us all.

Post your disappointing times to comments.

Oh, poor baby tired from yesterday’s WOD?  Too hungover to move?  Can’t imagine doing anything again ever because your weak body was so destroyed.  Well, we’ll overlook it t his time. That’s right, bitches - today is a nice an’ easy rest day WOD. Sit your hurtin’ ass in front of the computer and watch everything you missed this weekend at the CrossFit games because the feed was so shitty.  It’s remarkably un-shitty now that everything is over and today is the day to go catch up.

AMRAP, NFT:

Your WOD today is to sit on your ass. You heard me. Sit on your ass and watch people that are way more fucking elite than you will ever be. Watch them do normal WODs.  Watch them waste their time looking very serious on stupid shit like the monkey bars and softball toss.   Watch them, laugh at them, while also feeling bitter and jaded that it will never be you. Drink that bitterness away with some beer.

And not some shitty beer, either. Drink something with some flavor, because you’ve earned it after yesterday.

Happy Tuesday!  Remember, tomorrow is a rest day.  And you’re going to need it!

This drink   It’s called Murph.

• 1 shot of Bacardi® 151 rum
• 1 shot of Hpnotiq® liqueur
• 1 shot of Malibu® coconut rum
• splash of pineapple juice
• splash of Sprite® soda

And yeah, you know what’s next.  Today’s WOD is also fucking hardcore; it’s also called Murph.

• 1 mile Run
• 100 Pull-ups
• 200 Push-ups
• 300 Squats
• 1 mile Run

HQ says: “Partition the pull-ups, push-ups, and squats as needed. Start and finish with a mile run. If you’ve got a twenty pound vest or body armor, wear it.”

If you’ve got a 20lb vest and plan on wearing it, you’re harder than the drink or the WOD. You *almost* get a free pass on this beast.  But only almost, because even the best among us need to feel some punishment.  So, drink after coming back from the run, and after every set of 25 reps.  How many drinks is that? Quick, do the math! Nah, just kidding. I know you’re not at your rack with the calculator on it right now. The answer is: 25 drinks before heading out on the last run.  "That’s too many!“ a reasonable man might say.  But you’re not reasonable.  You’re a Crossfitter!  So take that 25th drink, and go run the fastest drunk mile of your life on the sidewalk, and watching carefully for cars and cyclists.  Because you’re going to be fucking obliterated. 

If you complete this run in a reasonable time and feel invigorated when you run back into your box, stop. Stop, pull out your wallet and make sure you’re not actually Robert Downey, Jr., because no one but an Elite alcoholic could do it.  And if you are?  Hi.  No more Iron Man, please.