Kirsten Powers: Give the 'bigot' bomb a break

A lesbian couple purchased engagement rings from a Christian jeweler.They were so pleased with the service, they referred a friend to the shop to purchase a ring for his girlfriend. Said friend spied a sign that read: "The sanctity of marriage is under attack. Let's keep marriage between a man and a woman."

Offense was taken. Once upon a time, this would have led to, in ascending order: an eye roll, daggered glares or an inquiry about the sentiment with perhaps a few words exchanged ending in an agreement to disagree.

That is no longer the world in which we live. The sign was reported to the lesbian couple. Now they want their money back. There's no problem with the rings. The problem is that the jeweler disagrees with the couple on the definition of marriage.

"They were great to work with," one of the w​omen, Nicole White, told a reporter. "They seemed to have no issues. They knew the two of us were a same-sex couple." She went on to explain, "I have no issues with them believing in what they believe in. I think everyone's entitled to their own opinion. But I don't think they should put their personal beliefs inside their business." One wonders whether this same rule applies to displaying symbols supporting lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders.

She added, "I think every time I look at that ring, I'll probably think of what we just went through." How have we gotten to the point that getting great service from someone who disagrees with you based on a religious belief is a traumatic experience?

This incident happened in Canada, but anyone who has been paying attention knows this could have easily happened in the U.S., where lack of affirmation of one's beliefs is increasingly being cast as an act of aggression. We all remember the national Chick-fil-A meltdown, as if one can't enjoy a chicken sandwich without ideological synchronicity with the owner of a restaurant.

It's a zero-sum mentality that distills human beings to their least popular political, ideological or religious beliefs. Evangelical Pastor Louie Giglio — who was forced to withdraw from praying at President Obama's second inauguration — was reduced to a homophobe and bigot after a liberal blog unearthed a 20-year-old sermon on homosexuality, while his current-day heroic work as a leader fighting for sex trafficking victims was regarded as a biographical footnote.

More recently, the conservative Media Research Center launched a petition demanding ABC cancel a planned sitcom produced by columnist and LGBT-rights activist Dan Savage because he is "a hateful anti-Christian bigot." Savage can be a rhetorical bomb thrower (I've had my own run-ins with him), but he has also apologizedfor some of the comments that have put him in MRC's crosshairs. Had he not, the petition would still be ill-advised. Christians should argue their case in the public square, not attempt to silence their critics with the exact same tactics they complain about when used against them (i.e. disagreement equals "bigotry").

As with the Giglio smear campaign, MRC presents Savage as the sum total of every offensive comment he has made. There's no mention of his role in creating the "It Gets Better Project," a groundbreaking and critical effort to encourage LGBT young people who face harassment and worse.

People are complicated and multifaceted. Life is not a zero-sum game: A person can have redeeming value and disagree — even vigorously and vehemently — with you on issues dear to you. We need to get back to the idea of tolerating differences and debating ideas in the public square. Perhaps it's time for both sides to give the "bigot" bomb a rest.

Kirsten Powers writes weekly for USA TODAY and is author of the upcomingThe Silencing: How the Left is Killing Free Speech.

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