Bonang, Bonnie & Jeannie D may be fab, but they're no Noleen

Fabulous and vivacious content gets top billing on 'Afternoon Express', writes Rebecca Davies

I've always had a soft spot for Noeleen Maholwana-Sangqu. On her daily talkshow, 3Talk, she tended to ask the questions that you wanted answers to but were too scared to ask yourself for fear of being judged. I can't imagine what it must take to host a show like 3Talk from Monday to Friday for 12 consecutive years, but I'm pretty sure you must need a little lie down afterwards.

What could possibly replace Noeleen's programme? Now we know: Afternoon Express, a new show in SABC3's 4pm weekday timeslot, hosted by TV heavyweights Jeannie D, Bonnie Mbuli and Bonang Matheba. Two out of three of that lineup are from the Top Billing school of broadcasting. De Gouveia, since it sounds too ridiculous to refer to someone as "D", has been quoted as saying that the new show is undertaken "with my Top Billing family".

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It's not hard to spot the similarities to Top Billing, though most of the Afternoon Express action takes place in what they call "the Loft". Like Top Billing, the show likes its glamour. Glitz, glamour, gals living their best lives. It's about "uplifting and empowering content for women", SABC3's head Aisha Mohammed said in a statement.

Perhaps more tellingly, the show's executive producer, Bradley van den Berg, said the show will "give women an opportunity to interact and engage daily, gaining many ideas from cooking, fashion, wellbeing and even finance". Even finance! Well fancy that, gals! Like most women, I'm not entirely sure what finance is, but I look forward to Afternoon Express filling in the blanks after they've brought me the latest tip on how to paint myself dramatic eyes.

There's a slightly different spirit to different days of the week on Afternoon Express. Mondays are about being "fab, fit and fun", so this is when they discuss diets and exercise. Presenter Leigh-Anne Williams came on to tell them how she lost 11kg in three months. Jeannie expressed her worry about lifting weights in case they make her look "butch".

Later in the week, Jeannie discussed her love for Australian comedian Rebel Wilson. But don't misunderstand: "I don't want to be her, I just want to be her bestie," Jeannie clarified. Google Rebel Wilson to understand why that distinction was felt necessary.

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The presenters aren't scared to tell each other how attractive they are. "You look absolutely gorgeous, darling," Bonang told Jeannie. "You look so chic," Jeannie responded. They're not lying.

The set is also a bit like a topsy-turvy universe, however. In contrast to the standard operating procedure of TV-world, there is a series of hot young men hanging around seemingly only as eye candy. The presenters are continually asking male guests to expose their abs or flex their muscles. How d'you like them apples, boys?

My favourite guest has been actress Zikhona Sodlaka, who almost visibly eye-rolled when introduced as "fabulous and vivacious".

"What does vivacious even mean?" she asked. Everyone on the show is fabulous and vivacious. I think Bonnie even used the word "fabulosity" to sum up someone's essence.

The camera work on the show can be a little iffy. I don't understand why guests and presenters sit so far apart from each other on the set sofas, because the end result is that half of someone's head gets cut off. They should get cosier. Why not, when everyone's so fabulous?