Dear Hoiberg haters, don't leave profanity on my voicemail

In the words of the late columnist Jimmy Cannon, "Nobody, asked me, but …"

… The community radio station KFMG-FM (99.1) is on the move in more ways than one.

The sale of the Hotel Fort Des Moines — where the station has its studios on the top floor — means the station is looking for new office space downtown once a planned renovation of the hotel begins. The station needs space for three to five rooms and rooftop access for their low-power transmitter.

The physical move comes at the same time the station will have to move its place on the dial. The Christian broadcasting network KTIA-FM (99.3) is building a transmitter closer to Des Moines.

Their signal will drown out KFMG's at 99.1, so the community station will eventually move to 98.1 FM. The timing of both moves is to be determined.

I hope they're successful. KFMG is nonprofit station supported by listener donations and an all-volunteer staff. It's a blissful oasis on a dial jammed with corporate programmed music radio and talk stations that spew anger and fear all day.

… David Letterman's retirement Wednesday made me almost as emotional as when my good friend Randy Evans, a longtime Register editor and reporter, retired last year. Evans taught me fine writing and bad puns. Letterman brought out my iconoclastic and irreverent tendencies. I'll miss Letterman, but Evans not so much. I see him for lunch once every couple of weeks.

… "Mad Max: Fury Road" is a cacophony of senses-shattering noise and violence perpetuated by characters adorned in bizarre fetish costumes — including some idiot wielding a flame-throwing guitar. I spent most of the time wishing the film would end soon so I could gobble some aspirin.

… I saw "Mad Max" at Flix Brewhouse inside Merle Hay Mall. The experience was largely pleasant. The seats were wide and comfortable, and the food was outstanding. I had an appetizer of hummus with raw vegetables and the seared ahi tuna salad.

My only gripe was fellow patrons who are unfamiliar with the seating process often take a tediously long amount of time to make a decision in line. This will hopefully clear up as Flix becomes more mature in the market.

… Speaking of initial visits, I shopped at a couple of the inelegantly named Price Chopper stores — one in Clive and the store on Beaver Avenue in Des Moines.

They still basically feel like Dahl's with new branding. We won't really know what a Price Chopper store is until they either massively remodel one of the old Dahl's or build their first new store in the market.

… I bought a banana hanger, which advertises it allows the fruit to ripen naturally. This may be true, but they don't ripen any slower hanging from the ridiculous contraption. That's $10 I'll never see again.

… The Des Moines Historical Society and East High School are teaming up to present "Secrets of Des Moines' Oldest High School" at 10 a.m. next Saturday. The tour is free.

I only know one East secret. Legend says upperclassmen tried to sell freshman elevator tickets so they wouldn't have to clamber up and down the crowded stairwells during passing times. This gag was ruined after the 2006 renovations and an actual elevator was installed in the building.

... I was walking out of Capes Cafe on Sunday evening. A guy walked out ahead of me with his wife and two kids. He held the door. I said thanks. He said, "No problem, even if you are wearing that Yankees cap." That's a perfect way to take a kind gesture and turn it into manure.

I know the guy was kidding. I don't mind a little jocular banter with people I know. But I didn't know that guy, and he didn't know me. Me wearing a baseball cap of any flavor isn't an invitation for you to toss zingers.

I know people love to hate the Yankees. That's fine. I like them anyway, maybe even because of that. But it isn't really that important. I mean we're talking about sports. As in entertainment. People like different programs on TV. They root for different teams. This isn't religion. It isn't war. It's a game. It's supposed to be fun.

If you think about it, all we're really arguing about is which multimillionaires we prefer to watch exercise.

… In more cordial sports discourse: My column earlier this week about Iowa State University men's basketball coach Fred Hoiberg brought out several compulsive outrage disorder sufferers.

PREVIOUSLY:Why Hoiberg's possible exit upsets us so

A man from Clinton called and cursed into my voicemail. He said he was tired of reading all the cow chips about Hoiberg. He did not use the words "cow chips." I called him back and left a message asking him why he thought it was OK to call someone in their place of business and talk like that.

He called back and said, "That's just the way it is. To hell with ya." Then he hung up. You've got to admire a man who stands behind his profanity.

My favorite came from Twitter user @AccountingJedi, who called the column "whiny" and said the "Rag-gister made me gag." Look, if you're going to rip my place of employment, you're going to have to be more original than that, @AccountingJedi. I used to work the police beat. Some cops called us the "Locust Street Liar." The old-school guys used to say the Register and Tribune were the "Rubbish and Trash."

And for a guy with "Jedi" as his handle, I'd think you'd remember the admonishment of Yoda, who I believe said: "Hate (and lame insults) lead to the Dark Side."

DANIEL P. FINNEY, the Register's Metro Voice columnist, is a Drake University alumnus who grew up in Winterset and east Des Moines. Reach him at 515-284-8144 or dafinney@dmreg.com. Twitter: @newsmanone.