Few issues are as controversial in the adoption world as what to call the women and men who made or are in the process of making a decision about placing their child for adoption. At Creating a Family, we seldom play the role of word police, but plenty others online do love that role. Here are some guidelines:

Prior to Birth: The woman is an expectant mother (EM) and the man is an expectant father (EF). We think it is important to not refer to them as birth parents because they have not (and legally cannot) relinquish their parental rights until after birth. Calling them expectant parents during this time is a good reminder to all. In order to make our resources on finding expectant parents that might be considering adoption more searchable online, we sometimes refer to parents at this stage as prospective birth parents.

After Birth but Prior to Placement: They are simply mother and father.

After Placement with Adoptive Parents: Depending on who you talk with any of the following terms are acceptable: birth mother (father), first mother (father), and natural mother (father). At Creating a Family, we use birth mother and first mother interchangeably. We do not use the abbreviation BM for birth mother for obvious reasons. You might enjoy this blog we wrote on this topic: What’s In A Name? Birth Mother? First Mother? Real Mother?