Sex education in the United States is in a sad state. Teens are learning less about sex today than they did 10 years ago, and that has very real consequences. The number of STD diagnoses is on the rise, and some of the most common STDs are becoming resistant to treatment. And while the number of teen pregnancies is at an all-time low, the United States still has the highest number of young people becoming pregnant of all developed countries. But the U.S. isn't the only place in need of more sex education. According to the South China Morning Post, teens in Hong Kong are watching more porn than ever but know less and less about sex. Turning to porn as a source of sex ed is nothing new, but with porn consumption on the rise at least in Hong Kong, it's important to remember that porn is not a reliable way to learn about sex and sexuality.
"The sad truth is that the vast majority of young people learn almost everything about sex from porn," New York City–based sex educator and writer Gigi Engle told Teen Vogue. "It's extremely accessible, and without proper sex ed in school and inaccurate information being doled out, it's the only resource they have. There are a variety of problematic and dangerous effects of this form of education."
While some porn is better than other porn at portraying what sex is really like, there are some pretty huge differences between what you typically see on the screen and real-life sex, which means using most porn as a way to learn about your own sexuality can be misleading, Engle said.
"I'm not anti-porn, but I believe it is critical that we send the message to young people that while the material can be sexy and a turn-on, it has drastic limitations in representing real sex," Engle said. "There are definitely some new, upcoming feminist pornographers who are looking to change this, but for the most part, no. It is a very inaccurate depiction of sexuality and is quite misleading."
Here are just some of the reasons you should NOT turn to porn to learn about sex.
Safe Sex
In 2016, California attempted to pass a law that would require actors in porn produced in the state to use protection in films. The measure, which was struck down by voters, was aimed at protecting actors and actresses from STDs and other risks of unprotected sex, but it also would have sent a message that we often don't see in porn: Safe sex is good sex.
"Safe sex is rarely (if ever) shown in porn," Engle said. "If we don't see adult-film stars using condoms, why would a young person understand the importance of using them?"
If you're turning to porn as sex education, the absence of condoms and other barriers like dental dams may send the message that it's not that important to use protection. But condoms, when used correctly, are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, according to Planned Parenthood. They also do a great job at preventing the spread of STDs. Engle also notes that while lubrication is not regularly used in porn, it can be very helpful in real-life sex.
Positions
While many of the positions shown in porn are totally doable and enjoyable for many people, there are some that are better suited for being on camera. It's important to remember that, at the end of the day, porn is entertainment, which means the actors and producers are doing what looks best — not necessarily what would feel best in real life. So while you might see something you want to try in porn, it's not the best way to learn what actual sex with a partner will look like.
"Porn is more apt to serve as inspiration for your sex life than it is to be imitated. It's unlikely you're going to experience (or want to experience) double penetration and anal penetration at the same time on any given day," Engle said. "Porn is like real sex on steroids."
That said, Engle also noted there is something very often missing in heterosexual porn: female pleasure.
"In heterosexual mainstream porn, there is little to no focus on cis-female pleasure," she said, "and essentially no focus whatsoever on the clitoris. Vulva-owning young people see these images and don't learn a single thing about how to enjoy sex or how to orgasm."
Since many people with vaginas require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, ignoring this in porn perpetuates the myth that not being able to orgasm through vaginal penetration makes you somehow abnormal. Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved — not just one person. If you're turning to porn to figure out what sex is like, you might miss that message.
Appearance
Quite often, porn doesn't portray what most bodies look like, particularly when it comes to cisgender females. While labia can come in many shapes and sizes, we often see neat and tucked labia in porn, with nothing protruding from the outer lips. This occurrence may be in part why so many young girls are now seeking labiaplasty. In the U.K., more than 200 girls under age 18 got a labiaplasty — a surgery to reduce the size of the inner labia — from 2015 to 2016, with the majority under age 15. One anonymous woman who wanted the surgery —but ultimately decided against it — at age 14 told researchers that seeing women in porn with "symmetrical" labia made her want to change her own anatomy.
"Everything is geared around an unrealistic male fantasy," Engle said. "Meanwhile young women look at these porn stars and feel inadequate."
As we mentioned, porn is also produced to look good. The reality of real-life sex is there will be rolls, noises, and fluids, and it might not all look as neat and pretty as it can on screen. That's OK, and it's normal.
Noises
If you've watched porn, you might have had to scramble to turn down the volume on your phone or computer so no one else in the house could hear what was happening. The people in porn can get LOUD. While it's totally normal to make noises and even get pretty loud during sex — if that's your style — you don't need to make the screeching or grunting noises that porn makes it seem like are expected.
"Female porn stars are encouraged to exaggerate noises to an almost alarming degree," Engle said. "It often comes across as fake because it is."
If you feel like making some noise during sex, that's your choice. But from a lot of porn, it can seem like you have to make certain sounds to be attractive or to turn on your partner. The truth is that sex can be whatever you want it to be — if that means loud sex like you see in porn, that's cool, but if it means something more quiet and intimate, that's great too.
Porn Isn't Real
If we're being really real, porn doesn't work as sex ed, because, well, it's NOT real. Learning from sex through a fantasy representation of it doesn't do a whole lot of good because it doesn't prepare you for what to really expect when you get in bed with a partner. That's because while some sex can be purely physical, sex also carries an emotional aspect.
"Porn films don't show the power of intimate and emotional connectivity that sex can have," Engle said.
This, of course, isn't porn's fault. Like we said, porn is building a fantasy. If you enjoy watching porn and it turns you on, go for it. But, if you're looking for info on what sex will really be like, you should look somewhere else.
"Porn is not a reliable form of sex education. Since we can't count on schools to deliver accurate information about sex, and zero information whatsoever on pleasure — it will be up to parents to have these conversations. Have conversations about sex early," Engle said. "Sex is made taboo by people who choose to make it so. If we normalize sexuality and teach children that is a normal, healthy part of life, we will grow a generation of confident, healthy, sexually aware adults."
Of course, this isn't all porn's fault. There are outlets that produce more-realistic feminist and queer porn, some cisgender heterosexual porn that attempts to portray an emotional connection, and all kinds of other types of porn. Whatever type of porn you like is valid and valuable, just not for education. The real problem, as Engle said, is the lack of sex education that's forcing many young people to turn to these fantastical portrayals of sex in an attempt to learn what it's really like.
We should all feel comfortable talking to our parents about sex because it's a normal part of life and health, but if chatting with your parents about how to have safe, healthy, and pleasurable sex isn't an option, there are plenty of resources online to turn to. Planned Parenthood, AMAZE.org, Advocates For Youth and many others are providing tons of useful and necessary information about sex so you can focus on self-pleasure when you're watching porn — not seeking out sex tips.
Related: Anal Sex: What You Need to Know
