There’s an internet joke, perpetuated by BuzzFeed, that New Zealand doesn’t exist, riffing on the fact that it’s often grotesquely distorted on maps, omitted from them altogether or, worst of all, thought to be a state of Australia.
New Zealanders – all 4.5 million of us – understandably find this hurtful. But part of the issue is that the two countries’ union flag-centric designs look similar, with just a scattering of stars to differentiate them, and the ongoing confusion has led the New Zealand government to consider alternative designs to be put to a referendum later this year. Four designs will be selected by a 12-strong “flag consideration panel”.
The referendum process, estimated to cost just under $NZ26m ($A25m), will include a two-step postal vote. In the first vote people will be asked to rank – using a preferential voting system – their preferred alternative flag designs. The second stage will get underway in March 2016 and will be a vote between the current flag and the winning alternative design.
The good people of Aotearoa, plus the million or so of us living overseas, plus anyone with MS Paint and an internet connection, have been given the opportunity to upload their own designs to a public gallery.
Most involve the silver fern, the curling “koru” fern frond or the southern cross constellation in a combination of red, blue, black and white. But some displays of “Kiwi ingenuity” are as weird and wonderful as you’d expect from a country you’re most likely to hear of as an ‘odd news’ segment on a late-night talk show.
Remember, by way of context, this is a nation in which the prime minister admitted to pulling a woman’s ponytail, a man was convicted of attempting to take out women’s teeth during sex, a corpse on a gurney rolled out of a hearse and onto a highway, a pet sheep was stolen and spraypainted with an Isis logo on one side and “420” on the other, a runner drank her own breast milk after getting lost in the bush, and a parochial swimming pool had a six-week ordeal with a “serial pooper”.
And that’s just in the past couple of months. How do you capture those eccentricities in shape and colour alone? These bloody legends gave it a decent stab.
Here are 15 of our favourites. Which would you pick?
Designed by: David Astil from Waikato
‘That feel when our eyes gaze upon the flightless and majestic rare-Kiwi bird is a classic icon of NZ’s deep relationship with our ancestors, their spirit, land and culture. Te Pepe Tamariki, Te Papa Aotearoa.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Simon Aiken from International
‘Thanks to feedback from my previous submission this version of the www.NewZealand.com flag features the QR code / Southern Cross with red stars rotated 45 degrees and the left star has been increased in size. New Zealand Aotearoa has a long tradition of displaying identity and our stories through Tukutuku panels, and what better way of carrying this forward in the digital age with an embedded code.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: James Gray from Auckland
‘The laser beam projects a powerful image of New Zealand. I believe my design is so powerful it does not need to be discussed.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: James Ringwood from Auckland
‘I believe it accurately represents the NZ people as hard working people from today on into the future.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Logan Wu
‘New Zealand has come a long way since colonialization in many ways. The icons in this flag are representative of our achievements from the successful implantation of Maori culture in the mountains of the individual cultures that make up our multiculturalism, to the freedom of expression enjoyed by all, including the national pastimes that have replaced the Southern Cross. Choosing a flag that celebrates and recognizes our achievements and forward thinking is one of the most important steps we can take to show the world how we, as kiwis, are off to a flying start.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Stuart Drummond from Auckland
‘It’s really simply and easy to draw which would be great for children.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Cia Bigguoy from Manawatu-Wanganui
‘The current NZ Flag is a mask of our true selves, and our loyalty to it means we have yet to take it off, will it kill the spirit of New Zealand if we do? No! The blue represents the ocean voyages both Maori and later settlers took to reach these great isles, the browns represent the land we all coexist upon, and the hands represent the authority we as New Zealanders have over it’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: George George from International
‘It represents kiwis, stars, and flags.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Sean Clifford from Bay of Plenty
‘The pink colour represents the people of New Zealand. The turquoise colour represents the water in and around New Zealand. The green colour represents the land of New Zealand. The pentagram represents the stars of New Zealand’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Charlotte Drene from Canterbury
‘New Zealanders are very interested in Snapper quota, and what better way to bring it to the people than this country’s native bird - the Unihorned Kiwi bird.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Jacob James from Auckland
‘The Union Jacks on either side of the crescent device represent our ties to the monarchy. The crescent device in the centre of the flag design is a reference daylight savings time, without which farmers would be working in the dark. The green background is indicative of our luscious pastures, on which the sheep frolic and thrive. Finally, the three stars are a visual analogy to the North Island, South Island and the great, Waiheke Island.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Jesse Gibbs from Canterbury
‘This design represents all of NZ because we have lots of sheep and love hokey pokey ice cream. I even included the blue and red to keep all of you naysayers happy. Kiwi as bro.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: J Rapanui from Auckland
‘We’re known as Kiwis around the world which is a great moniker because it captures how friendly and informal we are, so I think the flag should definitely have a Kiwi on it. It’s upside down because we’re from Downunder (which is totally tongue in cheek).’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Cameron Holland from Bay of Plenty
‘It looks good’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
Designed by: Cho Young Wook from Northland
‘new zealand is a freeland and precious nation of british countries. and natives of new zealand, maoris. maoris are main members of new zealand with british immigrants. so i made ‘N’ of new zealand with maorian spears. and painted union jack colors. and then, inserted polynesian sun between the spears. i know my design is mediocre. but this is just a brief sample.’ Photograph: www.govt.nz
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