“Jana Kelley does a great job of placing before us the central question that each of us must answer—Will I lay down my fear and claim freedom even when it could cost everything?”
—RUTH RIPKEN and DR. NIK RIPKEN, author of The Insanity of God and
The Insanity of Obedience
“Door to Freedom transported me back to a land we once called home. As I read through this novel it brought smiles and tears, reminding me afresh of God’s goodness and care for those who dare to serve Him in hard places. Jana captures the culture and the daily challenges for both Muslims and followers of Isa (Jesus) living in Sudan, along with the unique challenges facing khawadjas (foreigners) living and serving in another culture. Door to Freedom is not just a novel but a book containing valuable missions preparation for families that highlights practical issues and emphasizes the call to obey and live courageously—not because of who we are but because of who God is.”
—NILANTHI SIM, friend and co-laborer “Seeking, choosing, and trusting God—no matter the cost—takes on more significance when you live in a country that dictates the limits of both faith and freedom. In her wonderful follow-up novel, Door to Freedom, Jana Kelley continues to remind each of us the importance of growing in our faith and confidence in what God has called us to—wherever we live. A call to be bold, brave, and step forward in faith.”
—JAMI BELEW, event manager for Women of Faith “Inspiring, exciting, and moving, Jana Kelley’s second novel captures the vibrant culture of North Africa and the ethos of missions to Muslims. Door to Freedom realistically portrays the real-life victories and challenges that face missionary families overseas, especially in closed countries. As someone who lived in Sudan with my family for several years, I believe this to be one of the most accurate portrayals of missionary life overseas. The characters are highly developed and the dangerous situations described are very realistic. I highly recommend this book to pastors, church members, and those considering missionary service.”
—DR. ROBIN DALE HADAWAY, professor of missions and dean of students at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary
“In Jana Kelley’s exciting, stand-alone sequel, she weaves a tale of suspense and intrigue. Set in the desert capital of Khartoum, Sudan, Jana provides us with a wealth of cultural insights into the religious traditions adhered to by those mired in their Islamic faith. It is not only insightful but provides a treasure trove of knowledge to those wishing to understand and love their neighbors, both here and abroad, to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord—no matter the cost.”
—KATHY HADAWAY, former missionary and adjunct missions professor at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary
“I have long known Jana as a gifted writer, and this book further confirmed my suspicions. She is a wonderful storyteller. I could not put Door to Freedom down until I had finished it.”
—LOIS ROBINETTE, longtime friend, Embrace team leader, and former WMU
director at Tabernacle Baptist Church, Ennis, TX
“I was so excited to hear there would be a sequel to Side by Side, and it did not disappoint! Jana Kelley’s writing draws you into daily life events in Sudan, shows the power of God at work, and brings understanding of a culture very different from our own. I can’t wait for the next book!”
—JANA THOMPSON, personal friend
Door to Freedom A Contemporary Novel BY JA NA K ELLEY
Birmingham, Alabama
New Hope® Publishers PO Box 12065 Birmingham, AL 35202-2065 NewHopePublishers.com New Hope Publishers is a division of WMU®. © 2017 by Jana Kelley All rights reserved. First printing 2017. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. New Hope Publishers serves its authors as they express their views, which may not express the views of the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Kelley, Jana, 1971- author. Title: Door to freedom : a contemporary novel / by Jana Kelley. Description: First edition. | Birmingham, AL : New Hope Publishers, [2017] Identifiers: LCCN 2016040866 (print) | LCCN 2016050193 (ebook) | ISBN 9781625915160 (softcover) | ISBN 9781596699694 (Ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Sudan--Social life and customs--Fiction. | Culture conflict--Fiction. | Christian life--Fiction. | Muslims--Fiction. | GSAFD: Christian fiction. Classification: LCC PS3611.E4427 D66 2017 (print) | LCC PS3611.E4427 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016040866 All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ ISBN-13: 978-1-62591-516-0 N174114 • 0317 • 2.5M1
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Dedication 
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Dedicated to Muslim women who are seeking truth. May you truly find it.
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Acknowledgments
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Thank you to the Lord, who is worthy of our trust. He opens great doors of opportunity for His children. Thank you to my husband, Kris, and to my sons Aaron, Seth, and Joel for your enthusiasm, ideas, and unrivaled support for the writing of this book. A big thank you goes to Mom and Dad for always supporting us and encouraging us to “go.” Susan and Jenna, you have been my cheerleaders this year, I am so grateful for you. Thank you to my beta readers, you guys were the first to see the manuscript, and I am indebted to you for your encouragement and suggestions. To Natalie Hanemann, you have once again been a huge help to me. Thank you for sharing your expertise. A Texas-sized thanks to all the people at New Hope Publishers for your work in getting this project from idea to published book. I am filled with gratitude to each of you: whether you are a reader, a prayer supporter, someone who has given me an encouraging word, or someone who has spread the word. Thank you for being part of the group.
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Glossary
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Abaya: robe-like clothing worn by women Afwan: “You are welcome.” Al baraka feekoom: “Blessing be yours.” Aleykum wassalaam: response to “Salaam aleykum” Alhamdulillah: “Thanks be to God.” Al-hayat: the life Allah: God Allahu akbar: “God is the greatest.” Allah ma’ik: “God be with you” or “God go with you.” Allah yabarak feekee: “God bless you.” Amreeka: America Aseeda: thick, porridge-like food Astaghfir Allah: “God forgive me.” Bika: Sudanese funeral/ceremony of mourning Bilakthar: “I miss you more,” response to “mushtagiin.” Dilka: homemade scented perfume/body scrub Dukhaan: smoking incense used in beautification treatments Eid al-Fitr: festival at the end of Ramadan Fee ilajla innadaama wa feetaanee issalaama: Arabic proverb translated, “In haste there is regret, but in patience and care there is peace and safety.” Fuloos: coins, spare change Habeebee (feminine: habeebtee): my dear Haboba: grandmother Haj: pilgrimage to Mecca that all Muslims should take; title given to one who has taken the pilgrimage Hibir: ink Hosh: enclosed outside area of a Sudanese home Iftaar: breakfast; breaking of the fast during Ramadan Imam: worship leader of a mosque Injil: New Testament 9
GLOSSARY
Injil Yohana: the Gospel of John Innoor: the light Insha’ Allah: “if God wills” Isa: Jesus Itikaf: Muslim ritual of spending all night (several nights) in a mosque to pray, read the Qur’an, and seek God Jallabeeya: white robe worn by Northern Sudanese men Karkaday: hibiscus tea Khalwa: Islamic school Khawadja: foreigner or white person Kitab alMuqaddas: the Holy Bible Laylat alQadr: the Night of Power Mabrook: congratulations Maghribeen: person of Moroccan descent Malesh: “Don’t worry” or “Excuse me.” Masa ‘ilxayr: “Good afternoon.” Masa ‘innoor: “Light afternoon,” response to “Masa ‘ilxayr.” Masalama: “Good-bye.” Masha’ Allah: “Thanks to God.” Masihiiya: Christian Min zaman ma shuftik: “Long time, no see.” Muezzin: person who calls the faithful to prayer from the mosque, usually broadcast over loudspeakers Munaqiba: woman who wears a veil over her face in public Mushtagiin: “I miss you.” Naematan fawq niema: literally “grace upon grace” Qur’an: the main Islamic holy book Sabah ‘ilxayr: “Good morning.” Sabah ‘innoor: “Morning of light,” response to “Sabah ‘ilxayr.” Salaam: peace Salaam aleykum: Arabic greeting meaning “peace be upon you” Salaat al-janazah: prayer performed at a Muslim funeral Salon: seating area for guests Sambosa: fried meat or vegetable pie 10
GLOSSARY
Shawarma: meat wrap Sheikh: leader at a mosque Shela: wedding gifts Shukran: “Thank you.” Souq: open-air market Subhia: Northern Sudanese bridal dance ceremony Tabeea: nature Tageeya: skullcap worn by Northern Sudanese men Tarha: headscarf worn by Sudanese girls Ta’meeya: fried snack made from chickpeas Tobe: colorful full-body scarf worn by married women in Sudan Utfudulu: used in various situations to mean “welcome” or “help yourself” Wudhu: ceremonial washing before Muslim prayers Ya salaam: an exclamation Youm ‘ilqiyaama: the Day of Judgment Zibeeb: raisin, also the name of a bruise on the forehead caused by bowing forcefully to the ground during prayer
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A great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me. —1 Corinthians 16:9
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ou’re a frog in a pot.” That’s what Mia Weston’s mother would say when she heard the news. “The water is boiling all around you, and you don’t even know it.” Maybe she was right. Mia pondered the thought as she piled the breakfast dishes in the kitchen sink. For two years she and Michael lived and raised their family in North Sudan. The Islamic country often made news headlines because of human rights violations and strict adherence to Sharia law. She couldn’t blame her mother for being concerned. But the Sudanese people Mia and her family knew were kind and friendly. Mia and Michael planned to renew their contract with Kellar Hope Foundation and stay an additional two years. Mia imagined the conversation she would have with her mother over video chat. Mia would explain, once again, how Kellar Hope Foundation was providing food and clothing and better health care and education for refugees in Sudan. She would sell the vision for humanitarian aid organizations like Kellar Hope. And remind her that by legally living and working in Sudan, they had a unique opportunity to also share the gospel with their friends and neighbors. Then her mother would remind her that Sudan was not stable and that the risks outweighed the good they were doing. The conversation would end with an agreement to disagree, and a sincere but sad, “I love you, Mia.” Followed by her own frustrated, “I love you too, Mom.” That conversation would come later. First, she and Michael would go to dinner to celebrate their decision to stay. He had already dropped off nine-year-old Corey and six-year-old Annie at school and headed to the foundation’s office to sign the contract papers. Beth, Mia’s best friend, agreed to babysit Corey, Annie, and four-year-old Dylan. And to think that Michael had cleared his schedule and arranged it all himself. He could be so romantic sometimes. Mia sighed as she surveyed the sink brimming with dirty dishes. All her friends back home had dishwashers. Mia, however, would be spending the next hour scrubbing syrup off of plates and wiping sweat from her 15
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brow. Despite the lack of modern conveniences, Mia and her family loved living in Sudan. Even when they hated it. It was wonderful and terrible all mixed into one giant ball of confusion. Could she ever go back to live in Texas again? Sudan had changed her. She had learned about people in other countries, about herself, and about God. She knew He wanted them here to demonstrate His love to the Sudanese around them. And she knew it was not because she was anything special but because He was faithful. Mia soaped up a sponge and poured a kettle of warm water into the sink. Her thoughts drifted to Halimah. The fact that the once-Muslim girl had given her heart to Jesus made it impossible for Halimah to remain living at home. The last email Mia received from her indicated that she was in Kenya but gave no details. Mia shuddered as she remembered what Halimah looked like when she showed up at the Westons’ house that fateful day almost a year ago. Her face was swollen and her body tender from the beatings she had received at the hands of her father and brother. If she hadn’t found safety in the Weston home, Mia didn’t know what would have become of the brave Arab girl. After months of hiding, Halimah’s underground church helped her escape the city and finally the country. Now she lived under a new name, Sara. But Mia would always think of her as Halimah. Few people in Khartoum—the capital city of Sudan—knew that Halimah had lived with the Westons for seven months. Since Michael and Mia did not know Halimah’s current whereabouts, they had no information to give, should an angry family member or a policeman question them. But no one had. God had never lifted His hand of protection from them. He was faithful. He was always faithful. Mia’s thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone ringing. “Hi, babe,” Michael spoke in a serious tone. “I’m going to have to stay late at the office today. I think dinner is off the table.” “Why? What do you mean?” Mia fought back a wave of frustration. Michael had been so diligent lately about putting family before work. “It’s Kellar Hope.” Michael lowered his voice, even though hardly anyone in the office spoke English. “It’s in some kind of trouble. I don’t 16
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know what it is exactly. That’s what I need to stay and find out. It looks like the foundation may have to close. If that’s the case we can’t stay in Sudan. There’d be no contract to sign.” “Oh. Wow.” Mia didn’t know what to say. If they couldn’t stay in Sudan, they couldn’t do what she was sure God wanted them to do. “Well, of course. I understand. Stay as long as you need to.” This was a good time for Mia to extend some grace. “I hope this will blow over and we’ll be having our dinner date in a few days.” “Me too.” Mia was proud of herself for being so calm. “Oh, and of course Beth can’t come babysit because she’s up at the office too.” “Yeah, of course. I understand.” Mia sounded more empathetic than she felt. So much for a whole evening of adult conversation with a handsome date. She’d be spending the evening entertaining the kids while her mind played out all the possible scenarios if Kellar Hope Foundation closed and they had to leave Sudan.
) Michael returned home after Mia had put the kids to bed. She was sitting on the couch, flipping through a two-year-old copy of Taste of Home. The only magazines sold in Khartoum were in Arabic, except for the occasional TIME magazine that cost five times as much as the cover price. Mia saved all the magazines she brought when they had first moved to Khartoum. She had long since memorized every article and picture, so flipping through this particular copy was only an exercise to alleviate the worry that was tying a knot in her stomach. Michael’s shoulders slumped as he walked in and set his briefcase on the floor. He kissed Mia on the head before sitting down next to her. “So? What’s wrong at Kellar Hope?” “It’s not just Kellar Hope. It’s all the small aid organizations that are operating out of Khartoum. The government is making noise like they want them all gone.” “Well, they can’t do that. Won’t that make the Sudanese government 17
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look bad on an international level?” Michael leaned back and folded his arms behind his head, trying to stretch the stress out of his muscles. “It’s complicated. What they really want is our office and our vehicles. If the government can prove we are doing something wrong, they can confiscate our computers, all of our office equipment, plus all the vehicles.” “Are we doing anything wrong?” “Not that I know of, but it doesn’t really matter. They can make up whatever they want. And there are a lot of Sudanese who work in the office. The government could bribe one of them to keep an eye on us and report anything that could be considered a violation of contract. I heard that one in three men in Khartoum is paid by the secret police to spy on people.” “Is that true?” “Who knows? But don’t worry about it.” “So what do we do?” Mia sat up, stiff-backed on the couch, feeling more and more helpless with each word Michael spoke. “We can go to bed. I’m exhausted.” Michael stood and walked toward the bedroom. “I’m going to check on the kids first.” Mia’s tone didn’t sound as calm as she wanted it to. But how could Michael expect her not to worry? After checking on the kids, Mia found Michael lying in bed, eyes shut tight. His breathing was slow and steady. Mia flipped off the light, slipped under the sheets, and closed her eyes. Questions flooded her mind. What if police raided the office? Would they arrest the workers? Surely they wouldn’t bother the Americans. She thought about Hanaan, her Muslim neighbor. Mia had been trying to convince her of Jesus’ love and forgiveness. If Mia left, would Hanaan ever believe? She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. It was midnight. Mia subtracted eight hours in her head: four o’clock in the afternoon in Texas. Her mother would be sitting on the back porch with a glass of iced tea 18
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like she did every afternoon. Mia wouldn’t tell her about Michael’s recent news. His flippant attitude had left her feeling lonely and needing to hear a loving voice. Mom was always good for that. Mia slipped out from under the covers and tiptoed to the living room. She opened the video chat on the desktop and called her mother. No answer. Strange. Mia grabbed the house phone from beside the computer and dialed her mother’s cell phone number. Michael didn’t like it when she used the phone to call home because it was so expensive. This time she didn’t care. The phone rang several times and then beeped to record a message. “Mom, this is Mia. Where are you? Call me.”
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ellar Hope was in trouble. Michael said they should just keep living as if they were going to stay in Sudan. He told Mia so just before heading out the door to take the two older kids to school and then head to work. Mia had forced her head to nod and her voice to say, “Whatever you think is best,” but she was still agitated with him for being so calm about everything. She hadn’t told him about trying to call her mother. He would say she was just trying to find things to worry about. Somebody had to worry. Certainly he wasn’t. If he wanted her to live like she was staying in Sudan, then she was going to hire a maid. Dust, wrinkled clothes, and dirty dishes won out over her desire to do things like she’d always done back home in Texas. Beth, so adept at living in a difficult place like Sudan, had assured her there was no reason for Mia to wear herself out trying to keep the house clean. “Besides,” she said to Mia multiple times, “if you hire someone to help you, you are helping them out by giving them a salary.” Perhaps hiring someone to work in her home would distract her from the stress of the storm brewing at the Kellar Hope office and the nagging uneasiness about her mother—who still had not returned her call. Midmorning, Mia sat across the table from her prospective maid and offered a slight smile. The young woman, a refugee from Eritrea, desperately needed work. Sudan offered her relief from the problems in her own country, but the cost was her home and dignity. Mia considered the small salary she would be offering. “I need help with sweeping and mopping every day, along with washing and ironing clothes. I also need help washing dishes.” As she spoke, Mia glanced down at the white skin of her arm as it glistened with perspiration. She looked across at the woman’s smooth chocolate arms resting gracefully on the table. Neither Mia nor this woman belonged in Sudan. One was here by choice, the other by a cruel twist of political fate. Mia coughed, trying to break free from her thoughts. “Your name is Tzega, right? Are you married?” “Yes. My husband is Ethiopian, and I am Eritrean. Our countries 20
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fight, so it is illegal to return to our homes. So, we are here in Sudan . . .” Mia scribbled an amount on a piece of paper and slid it across the table. “This is what I can pay you every week.” Tzega stared at the paper. Mia tried to decipher her expression. Was the amount enough? Was it lower than the woman expected? Mia had asked Hanaan, her next-door neighbor, what a good salary was and decided on a figure she thought was fair. Now she wasn’t so sure. What would Mia’s friends back home say? Having a maid seemed frivolous. But in a desert town like Khartoum, laundry and floor cleaning was a full-time job. A maid in the home could help free up some time for Mia. She determined that she would be willing to pay even a bit more, but just as she opened her mouth to offer it, Tzega looked up and nodded, though her expression remained unreadable. “It’s not enough,” she said flatly, “but I have small children, and I need the work. I can start on Monday.” Mia smiled with a calm exterior, but inside, a party broke loose. She would not be left alone to fight the dust and dirt after all. Tzega drank the cup of water that Mia placed in front of her when she had arrived. A cup of water: the customary offering for any guest who walked in from the sweltering sun. Tzega smiled, pulled her scarf back over her head, and shook Mia’s hand. Mia saw Tzega to the outer gate and watched her head down the dirt road toward a nearby bus stop, each step wafting puffs of dust and sand into the air behind her. Mia glanced at her watch. It was the middle of the night in Texas. This was a terrible time to call her mother, but she couldn’t wonder any longer. She had to know that everything was OK. Mia walked back in the house and headed straight for the phone. “Hello?” Mia’s heart flooded with relief when she heard her mother’s sleepy voice. “Mom, it’s Mia. Are you OK? Why haven’t you returned my calls?” “It’s three in the morning—” “Well, I . . . yes, I know, but I’ve been so worried since I hadn’t heard from you.” “Mia, your dad is in the hospital. He had a stroke.” 21
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) The next morning was Friday, a day off in Sudan. Since Northern Sudan was 97 percent Muslim, offices and schools closed on Fridays, and most Sudanese spent the day with their families, the men heading to the mosque for the noon sermon and prayers. Mia was hoping to sleep in. She had not slept well, instead spending most of the night playing out scenarios in her head. Her mother assured her the doctors said the stroke was mild and her dad would fully recover. Mia cried and told her mother that she would come home immediately. “Mia,” she said, “the Lord has called you and Michael to be in Sudan. He is taking care of you, and He is also taking care of us. Don’t come home. We’ll be fine.” No mention of being a frog in a pot. No mention of missing out on her grandchildren’s lives. Mia had been surprised by her mother’s strength. And it made her want to go home even more. At six in the morning Mia heard a ruckus in the kitchen. Groaning, she rolled out of bed. Her head throbbed and her eyes felt swollen. She cried—for a long time—last night when she told Michael about her father. What on earth were the kids doing this early in the morning? When Mia entered the kitchen, she saw Annie and Dylan arranging coffee cups on a tray. “Good morning, Mommy.” Dylan smiled brightly. He held a coffee mug in each hand. Mia noticed one of the mugs was Michael’s favorite. She lunged across the room and grabbed the mug out of Dylan’s hand, placing it safely on the kitchen cabinet. “Good morning,” she said in as happy a voice as she could muster. “Wow. Why so many mugs?” Annie smiled. “We didn’t know which one you like the best, so we decided to pour coffee in all the mugs and let you choose your favorite.” Mia eyed the coffee machine. Sure enough, coffee was gurgling into the carafe. They must have known she always prepared the coffee machine the night before so in the morning all she had to do was turn it on. At least they hadn’t poured the coffee yet—that could have been a
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disaster. Dylan was infamous for making messes and, even at six years old, Annie could never have managed to carry a tray with eight mugs full of coffee. “Well, I think I’ll use this mug.” Mia took a blue-and-white mug that said, “I Love Mommy.” “OK,” said Dylan, “And I’ll pour coffee into the rest of them for Daddy.” Lunging between Dylan and the coffee pot, Mia said, “Oh, that’s so nice Dylan, but Daddy is still sleeping. We’ll just let him choose his coffee mug when he wakes up. How about you guys eat your breakfast? There are some banana muffins in a container on the counter. Why don’t you bring those to the table?” Dylan busied himself carrying the large plastic container while Mia congratulated herself on another mess diverted. She poured her coffee and stirred in a heaping spoonful of creamer. The thermometer in the window registered 88 degrees. Not bad for Sudan. By ten in the morning, she knew it would read closer to 100. Even in the heat, Mia enjoyed her coffee. A morning cup of coffee forced her to stop, drink slowly, and gather her thoughts for the day ahead. During her morning coffee, she could pray, read Scripture, and listen to the Holy Spirit. Despite her wish to crawl back in bed and ignore the fact that her dad was in the hospital, Mia joined her three children at the dining table. By this time, Corey, the gentle leader of the bunch, made an appearance. Wiping sleep from his eyes, he quickly fell in step with the other two. Mia watched as he patiently helped Dylan peel the paper liner from the banana muffin. Mia’s heart brimmed with pride. He was so brave two years ago when they moved to Sudan. Instead of attending first grade in one of the best elementary schools in Dallas, Corey now attended a small private school in Khartoum. Though there were a few of other whiteskinned foreigners at the school, Corey was in the minority. He’d taken it all in stride. In fact, his best friend was Hanaan’s son, little Saleh, who didn’t even speak English. Annie, on the other hand, had cried when she couldn’t visit Granny 23
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on weekends, but she’d become very adept at operating the computer so that she could talk to her every week. Annie garnered a lot of attention when she was outside of the house—her blond curls and blue eyes attributes very few Sudanese had ever seen except on television. Then there was Dylan. His face was covered in gooey muffin crumbs, even as his little hand reached into the plastic container for a second helping. Dylan was her challenge. He was into everything. “It’s the sign of a healthy, curious boy,” her mother told her. Was it wrong to wish he were just a little less healthy and curious? All in all her family had adjusted well to life in Sudan. Mia had actually been looking forward to extending their time. Now she didn’t know what to think. “Good morning, everyone.” Michael interrupted her thoughts with his sleepy greeting as he emerged from the master bedroom. “Daddy.” Dylan waved a crumb-caked hand. “I made you coffee, Daddy.” Annie jumped out of her chair and ran to the kitchen to fetch a mug. “Hi, Dad.” Corey grinned from his place at the table. Mia smiled at her husband. A day at home with the family. In the past, “family” would have included Halimah. Mia still missed her. But she was in a safe place now, and Mia knew that was best. Michael rescued the wobbling cup of coffee out of Annie’s hands and joined the family at the table. “After breakfast, how about I fill up the splash pool, and you kids can play outside? Mom and I will watch from the porch.” Mia smiled. The disappointment of the canceled date and Michael’s flippant attitude faded. He was really trying to be present with his family when he wasn’t at work. He had come a long way in the past two years. Not long ago Mia battled constant frustration toward Michael for all his time at the office. Now it seemed like he really enjoyed spending time with Mia and the kids. What if we don’t get to stay here? We are finally getting the hang of life in this place.
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eacups clinked against each other as Rania carried the tray into the salon, the living room, where her father and three men chatted. “Salaam aleykum,” she said quietly as she placed the tray on the coffee table. Rania’s father stopped in midsentence and smiled at his daughter. “This is my only daughter, my Rania.” “Aleykum wassalaam, Rania,” said one of the men, responding both to Rania’s greeting as well as her father’s introduction. Rania forced a polite smile and busied herself spooning heaps of sugar into the cups and pouring steaming tea. Why does Father insist on calling me his only daughter? Everyone knows it’s a lie. Why do we all pretend? Halimah had been gone for a year now, but Rania thought of her every day. Father may have disowned her, but Rania could never do that. Halimah would always be her big sister, even if her name was never spoken in the family. Rania stirred spoons of powdered milk into the steaming sweet tea and then carefully placed a cup on the table in front of each of the men. When she completed the task, her father grinned proudly, just like he used to do when Halimah served tea to his guests. “Utfudulu,” he said, encouraging his guests to help themselves to the tea and a plate piled with cookies and dates. Rania smiled and quickly extracted herself from the room. She didn’t want to be present when her father launched into the merits of marrying his daughter. She was only 16 and had no interest in being married any time soon. Her father, however, had recently become earnest in his search for her husband. He had already sent messages to her first cousins, asking if any of them were interested in marrying Rania. Even though this was the custom of Sudanese Arabs, Rania hoped it was just a formality. She hoped her cousins would refuse and that her father would find a match for her elsewhere. 25
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Rania returned to the kitchen where her mother stood over a gas burner, stirring a large pot of porridge called aseeda. “I don’t know who those men are, Mama, but I don’t want to marry any of them. I also don’t want to marry a cousin,” “Rania,” Mama said in her comforting voice, “you know it’s a good thing to marry your cousin. We know the family. We know that any of your cousins would be an honorable mate and will treat you well. If you marry outside the family, that is a lot of work for your father and me. We have to make sure he comes from an honorable family.” Honor. Honor. It is always about honor. Rania’s family was an honorable family, but that was only because her father got rid of the dishonorable one. It was for honor that Rania was called the only daughter. It was for honor that Father tried to beat an evil spirit out of Halimah. And when Halimah left—that mysterious day when she walked out of the house and didn’t return—it was for honor that her name was forever banned from their home. “There are plenty of honorable families besides ours.” “I know there are, dear. Trust your father, he loves you.” Mama did not lift her eyes from the pot, but continued to stir the thick liquid. “Mama,” Rania’s voice trembled a little. She was afraid to ask the question because she was afraid of the answer. “Do you think Father will let me go to college?” On rare occasions, Mama let her guard down and spoke honestly with Rania. She stopped stirring but didn’t turn around. Her voice was compassionate but steady. “I don’t know, Rania.” “It’s not fair.” Rania sighed. She didn’t wait for her mother to reply. Instead she went to her room and shut the door. In the past, she was greeted by her sister, Halimah, but now she was greeted by silence. Halimah’s bed was still there, but her presence was long gone. Sometimes Mama slept in the bed so Rania would not be alone. If Haboba, Rania’s grandmother, came for a visit, she would sleep there. But mostly Rania slept alone. And she hated it. Why did Halimah leave? Every night for a year, as Rania lay in bed 26
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trying to fall asleep without her sister, she asked the same question. Every night she heard her sister’s words to her, “Read the book, Rania. It’s the most important thing you’ll ever read.” Rania obeyed Halimah’s instructions—partially anyway. She retrieved the small book from under the mattress where Halimah hid it. But Rania was terrified of the little tome. It was because of books that Father and her older brother Abdu beat Halimah that fateful night. Rania was not as brave as Halimah. She refused to be caught with a dangerous book. On the other hand, what if the book really did contain the answer Rania was looking for? What if the book explained why Halimah disappeared? Rania hadn’t known what to do. So she wrapped the book in a dishcloth and stuffed it in the bottom of an old purse. Then she hid the purse behind her wardrobe. She was afraid to throw it away, but she was afraid to look inside it. Rania thought about that book every day. But she never retrieved it. Instead, when she was troubled, she would take out an art book and her colored pencils, and she would draw. This day was no different. One day, I will learn to paint. She settled on her bed, leaning against the wall with her legs propping her art book like an easel. She sketched the outline of a tree. It’s ugly, Rania. It looks like a little kid drew it. She threw her pencils on the floor in frustration. Leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes, she thought about the book again. Maybe it was time to look at it.
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ania stared at her wardrobe. There was a small gap between the large wooden piece of furniture and the wall. No one would notice the arrangement except Rania. She’d been careful to place the old purse upright against the wall so that it created as narrow an obstacle as possible before she leaned her back against the wardrobe and shoved it against the wall. There it remained for the better part of a year. She never mentioned the book, just as she never mentioned Halimah. Today was different. Rania took a deep breath and tiptoed across her bedroom to the door. As quietly as she could, she twisted the skeleton key to lock the door. If anyone came, she’d just say she was changing clothes and had locked the door since there were guests in the salon. She placed both of her hands on the back corner of the wardrobe, near her bed, and wrapped her fingers around the sharp edge. She pulled as hard as she could. The solid wood wardrobe creaked as it moved forward about an inch. It was enough. Rania reached one hand behind the wardrobe as far as she could. Cobwebs tangled in her fingers, but she felt the fake-leather purse and grabbed it. It was filthy, and Rania brushed it off before crawling back on her bed to inspect its contents. She pulled the dishcloth out of the purse and felt the weight and shape of the book. Could such a small object really solve the mystery of Halimah? She carefully unfolded the cloth and stared. The book was thin with a blue paper cover. Yellow letters on the front read Injil Yohana. The pages were filled with printed words. She flipped through the book from beginning to end. Disappointment settled in Rania’s chest. She had half expected to find a piece of paper with a note from Halimah. Her big sister had promised that this book contained answers for her disappearance. But in fact, there was nothing inside the book. Only printed words. Rania set the book down on the bed next to her sketchpad. She glanced at the tree she’d drawn. Sure, it was elementary looking. But she was just learning. She’d get better. She was about to stuff the book back into its dusty tomb when she 28
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heard laughter coming from the salon. She rolled her eyes. Her father must have taken out the alcohol for his friends. The men visiting her father only got that loud when they were tipsy. And that only happened on occasion, when, late at night, her father would pull out the illegal drinks he kept hidden in his room. There had to be an answer in the book. Halimah had been adamant. Rania was tired of pretending. She pretended her father didn’t drink. She pretended she didn’t have a big sister. She pretended she wanted to get married rather than go to school. Surely there was a better way. Maybe the book would have more than one answer. She picked it up again and flipped to the first page. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.” The words flowed poetically, and Rania found herself mesmerized by their rhythm. The words were beautiful like the Qur’an. But this book wasn’t an Islamic one. “Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Life and light. I could use a little of both.
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he kids splashed and danced in the plastic pool that Michael filled with water from the garden hose. Mia and Michael settled on the veranda to finish the last of the coffee. “So I was thinking,” Michael said. “We should start reading the Bible together.” Mia choked on her coffee, and her eyes began to water as she gulped the steaming liquid. It burned in her throat. She willed a calm response. “Sure, I think that would be great.” Mia’s heart beat in excitement. Michael was a faithful Christian. He insisted they attend church, pray before the meals, and read Bible stories to the children. But he never initiated something like this. “Maybe we can wake up half an hour earlier each day and read. I was thinking we could start in Acts. You know, that’s where Paul goes to share the gospel in foreign countries. We might be able to relate.” Mia recovered from the initial shock and ignored the burning sensation in the back of her throat. Wake up earlier? I am already exhausted. But the excitement of studying the Bible with her husband trumped the disappointment of losing sleep. As the children continued to play, Mia and Michael read the first chapter of Acts together, taking particular note of verse seven when Jesus told His disciples, “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.” “I can’t help but think that’s for us too,” Mia said. “Who knows how this problem at Kellar Hope is going to turn out? We don’t know if we will get to stay or have to leave. But I guess that’s not really for us to know.” “And then look at the next verse. Jesus says His disciples will receive power, and they will be witnesses for Him. I guess that message is for us too.” “Believe it or not, that’s what Mom told me on the phone yesterday. She said that I needed to trust God and that He would give me the courage to stay here and to share Jesus’ love with others.” Michael placed his Bible on the table and tented his fingers. He stared 30