On June 2, Ashley Grimm's worst nightmare became a reality. The 31-year-old mom from Emmett, Idaho was in a horrific car accident with five of her children in the car, and heartbreakingly, her four-year-old son Titus did not survive. This past Friday, Ashley took to Facebook to share her side of the story, and offer up some emotional advice to other mothers.
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Ashley starts off by admitting that Titus was not wearing a seatbelt. Titus often unbuckled himself, and despite trying everything she could think of to make him stay buckled in, he always found a way out. "My son was notorious for doing everything he could to unbuckle in the car," she wrote. "We tried five point harness seats, boosters, I believe even zip ties at one point (probably not safe either) but he always viewed it as a superhero challenge...on average, I would usually pull over three or four times on any given trip to firmly make him buckle up again."
The night of the car accident, Ashley had checked all of her kids' seatbelts before leaving the gas station, but she hadn't noticed that once they were on the road, Titus and her eight-year-old son had decided to switch seats, and so, once again, Titus had unbuckled himself. When a large rock rolled into Ashley's lane she had to make a quick decision: "I had three choices: try to straddle the rock, move to the oncoming lane which was a double line large curve with an angry river at the other side. Rock, head on collision, river. I chose the rock. I chose wrong." The rock hit their van's axle, and plunged the vehicle into the side of a cliff. Titus was killed instantly.
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"Our lives were instantly ripped apart. The little boy who had been my pride and joy was cruelly taken from me in a matter of seconds," Ashley wrote. "I worked with all my might to lift the heavy van off his tiny body. My 8-year-old son was trying to help me. I could only see the lower half of his body. I rubbed his tummy and tried gentle compressions. But he was already gone."
After the story was reported on the news, Ashley says internet commenters tore her apart. "It was two days later that I saw it all over Facebook," she says. "A news report reporting the death of my child as if they were reporting that the weather might change, or a new planet had been discovered... the readers commented the cruelest things about how horrible of a mother I was. How I deserved it. How my children should be taken from me. I wanted to punch them, shake them. Tell them how close we were, how hard I fought to keep him safe."
Instead, Ashley says, she wanted to take to Facebook because she longs to look in every mother's eyes and tell them to "hold your babies tight."
After going into heartbreaking detail about how she spent $200 on a superhero costume to bury Titus in, and how she slept in the cemetery just to "try and take one more nap with him," Ashley shared eight pieces of advice she wants every mom to remember.
She reminds us to be present and patient. "Embrace their beautiful, fleeting imagination," she wrote. "Let them really believe that they are Captain America or Queen Elsa. Get in their mind, see how they tick. The dishes will still be there." She urges moms to slow down, and savor every moment. "Take every hug and kiss they bring you—even the twenty fifth one they use just to get out of bed at night," she wrote. "And really squeeze them." She also urges everyone not to judge other mothers. "We don't know the whole story, we don't know. We just don't know," she wrote.
After her post went viral, with over 295,530 shares, Ashley posted a follow-up, saying she is humbled by the outpouring of love and support.
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"I never dreamed my little post would touch so many lives, but my immediate prayer after losing my baby boy was that somehow, some way; beauty might come from my ugliest heap of ashes," she wrote. "I am so thankful that my loss has inspired parents to hold their children close... And thank you, for allowing Titus to remind all of us (including myself) what our priorities are and how precious life is."
(h/t Scary Mommy)
Lauren (she/her) is the digital content director of the Hearst Lifestyle Group, where she oversees online content and strategy for Good Housekeeping, Woman's Day and other Hearst titles, including SEO, video, social media and e-commerce efforts. She has almost 20 years of experience writing and editing beauty, lifestyle, home, health, entertainment and product review content. She graduated from NYU with a degree in journalism and history.
