'The Big Bang Theory' recap: 'The Colonization Application'

It’s not every day that The Big Bang Theory creates a story line in which Sheldon and Amy hold hands to announce some significant news. The time is right for the love birds to take a step forward in their relationship. Break out the champagne and congratulate the happy couple—Sheldon and Amy are getting a turtle!

Picking out a turtle is serious business. When Sheldon chooses a listless one in the corner, he and Amy prepare the reptile for living a life of joint custody. Amy warns the turtle that he will be staying with her during Comic-Con. Sheldon informs Giuseppe that he will be with Amy full-time if Daddy’s application to live on Mars is accepted. Amy blows right past the extravagant Italian turtle name, in lieu of asking Sheldon why he didn’t bother to tell her that he applied to be a colonist on another planet? When Amy admits that she would have never approved, Sheldon claims he made the right choice not to tell her. All this arguing can’t be good for Giuseppe’s self-esteem.

Across the hall, Leonard and Penny attempt to get creative using a little something Leonard picked up at the naughty store. This is way more advanced than your average dirty dice. In this sexual scenario, the couple cover themselves in paint before doing the deed on a blank canvas. Instead of an elaborate, artistic declaration of their love, Penny and Leonard’s canvas looks more like a smeared letter “X” with two handprints on either side. Convinced that this is not a representation of their best work, Penny suggests they give it another go. The result is a display of vivid color, stretching across the canvas from corner to corner. They agree to give the artwork to Sheldon, claiming that William Shatner painted it. Keeping it would be gross due to the butt marks.

Leonard isn’t the only one leaving his mark. When Raj is left alone at Emily’s house, he accidentally breaks a drawer when snooping through her nightstand. He calls Howard to walk him through how to use a hammer and nails to repair the damage. I’m sure you’re expecting a zany ending to this wild and crazy story line, but I’m afraid you’re in for a disappointing third act. Raj comes clean to Emily. She punishes him by asking that he not look in her closet. I assume this is where she keeps the appendages of her mysteriously absent roommate. Emily’s odd fascination with death is just plain weird. Moving on.

Meanwhile, Sheldon and Amy return to his apartment when an unfortunate “got your nose” moment with Giuseppe goes awry. Amy reminds Sheldon that if he can barely survive a turtle bite, there’s no way he can survive life on Mars. No amount of peppermint tea will assuage Amy’s mood. Sheldon playing the Star Trek theme on his nose doesn’t help either.

Sheldon decides to show Amy his video application which lists the reasons why he would be a perfect candidate for the Mars project. We learn two things in this video: Animals do not trust Sheldon because he is odorless, and a pie to the face will always be funny.

Amy is annoyed that Sheldon continues to push the issue. She would like to know that when he thinks about his future, she is a part of the vision. Sheldon softly asks if she’s set on the future taking place on earth? He encourages Amy to apply for the Mars trip with him—as a couple. If he is going to live on a barren, lifeless planet, he wants her to be with him. It’s in these sweet moments that I find Sheldon and Amy’s relationship so endearing.

Amy anticipates what it would be like to live on Mars, work on Mars, and procreate on Mars. Sheldon instructs her to keep it in her space pants. A hint of wonder crosses his face when she reminds him that their children would be Martians.

I have every confidence that Giuseppe will be on the baby name list. And so will Nimoy.

Live long and prosper, Mr. Spock.

Theoretical Laughter

“We care so much about each other, there’s enough left over for an eight ounce reptile.” —Sheldon, excited about sharing a turtle with Amy

“I’ve already had one new hole torn in my body today. I don’t need another one.” —Sheldon, exhausted by the idea of Amy being mad at him

“That’s a big step for a guy who just agreed to take his socks off.” —Penny, impressed that Leonard wants to get freaky with paint