What Every Woman Needs to Know About Attracting and Keeping a Healthy Relationship

01 Mar 2015

This post is part of Loving in the Grown Zone Blog Tour which I am excited to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers across the globe. To learn more and to join us as we change the conversation about healthy love, CLICK HERE! 

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From the time we’re old enough to talk, the world puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on us to be in a relationship. Don’t think just because it’s Disney’s Little Mermaid for little girls, these youngsters  aren't getting the message that they need to have a man to be happy. This influence continues for the rest of our lives, and often leads us into relationships way before we’re mentally or emotionally ready.

Shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette certainly don’t help as they paint an unrealistic and unhealthy picture of what courtship is really about. Yes, courtship: that thing that used to happen when a guy was interested in a girl and did everything in his power to let her know she was the only one for him. Guys used to have to work to get a girl, but these days, it seems as if the tables have turned. I’ve lost count of the many photos I’ve seen on social media showing women getting down on one knee and proposing to men. Something’s very wrong with that picture. At what point did women determine that they were no longer worth waiting for or working for?

This is why I love Loving in the Grown Zone: A No-Nonense Guide to Making Healthy Decisions in the Quest for Loving, Romantic Relationships of Honor, Esteem and Respect—the new book by relationship experts, Zara D. Green and Alfred Edmond, Jr. If you think you’re ready for a relationship, read this book first. Zara and Alfred break down what it means to make grown decisions vs. adult decisions (yes, there’s a difference) in this straight-talk guide that clearly outlines what love is and what it isn’t.

As someone who went through a very painful divorce years ago, I almost wish I’d had this book as a reference before I said “I do.” I say almost only because I wouldn’t take back any of my painful experiences: they helped reveal my strength and my purpose. But I'm so glad I have it now! If you’re looking to get into a relationship, or trying to figure out whether or not the one you’re in is healthy, then this is the book for you.

One of my favorite chapters in the book is “Wedding Planning is Not Marriage Planning.” That one stopped me right in my tracks, because I remember distinctly getting so caught up in my wedding planning that (in hindsight), I don’t think either of us put as much energy into planning a lifetime together. Trust that I won't be making the same mistake twice—especially after reading this book! I hope women (and men) everywhere buy their own copy so they can better learn, how to not just attract a healthy relationship, but also keep it.

There is so much valuable content and so many great quotes in this book, but I’ll leave you with these nuggets:

“Commit to creating your best life as a single person. If a potential relationship does not enhance that life, you don’t need it.”

“Grown women don’t need to be rescued. They are waiting for a partner, not looking for a savior.”

“True love is about how you are treated, not just how you’re being made to feel.”

“A self-loving, Grown woman would never enter a competition for a man, or remain in a relationship once she realizes that the man has made his attention and affection a prize to compete for.”

And finally: “The love you accept from others will never exceed the love you require of yourself.”

Amen.

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Zara D. Green and Alfred Edmond Jr. are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone discussion series and related media properties. The couple leads sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “Grown” decision-making via online and live events across the country. They know this book is changing the conversation about healthy love. You can grab your copy HERE.

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