Women, watch out: needy men are on the rise

“Look, we need to talk about ‘us’. I really like you, and I know it’s only been three dates, but…I was wondering if we could make things official. I don’t want us to see other people anymore. What do you think?”

No, this is not a desperate woman speaking to a man in an attempt to bag a boyfriend. It is a nervous adult man speaking openly about his feelings to his female date, as he typically tries to hide his growing sweat patches. This man exists in many different shapes and sizes all over the world, and he's multiplying.

He is A Needy Man.

The needy man epidemic has been rising in recent years. How do I know this? Because my friends and I have dated them. My generation is no longer plagued with the ‘but do you think he likes me?’ worries that our mums and older sisters had – we’re more worried about how to ditch the needy men asking us out.

It is why I was so surprised to see a study saying that it takes only three dates for a woman to update her Facebook relationship status, and five dates for a man to do the same. Um, sorry, but who exactly are these “74 per cent of 18-35 year olds” who think less than 10 dates makes a relationship? And why do they need to log onto Facebook to prove it?

In my experience, it’s now the men who are trying to hurry a relationship on from the casual dating stage to become a full-blown ‘ooh shall we double date?’ couple. One ex-boyfriend gave me a handwritten letter on our third date. Weeks later, he told me he loved me. I was unable to say the same.

My friends all have similar experiences. Anna, 25, tells me: “I was dating a younger man who came on very strongly. He wanted to meet constantly – he even wanted to do something on Valentine’s Day, which would have been our third date. I said no.

“He used to text me non-stop. Initially I was flattered but I quickly became disillusioned as it was clear he was looking for something very emotionally involved, very quickly - there was no intriguing ‘does-he-doesn't-he’ element to it all. I quickly ended it.”

_{Modern girls aren't desperate like Bridget Jones was}

Over the last few years, my friends have also told me about boys writing them poems, bringing up the ‘let’s be official’ chat on second dates, calling every night ‘just to say I love you’, and even being devastated when their dates had Saturday night plans that didn’t involve them. Long gone are the stereotypical emotionally-cold men who dread the thought of the ‘ball and chain’.

But while the needy man is on the rise – the not-so-needy independent woman is too. Girls don’t ‘need’ boyfriends anymore. We can support ourselves financially, enjoy casual relationships with no stigma and go on as many dates as want, whenever we want (thank you Tinder and OKCupid). We aren't enthralled by the noughties lesson of He's Just Not That Into You like the Sex And The City girls were, because we're the ones who just aren't that into him.

Women no longer rely on boyfriends to take them on dates or give them security, because they can find it elsewhere. Besides, today’s 20-something women are more focused on climbing up the career ladder and getting a decent salary by the time they’re 30, rather than worrying about how to ‘bag a man’.

So, to those women who are still trying to make three average dates into a legitimate relationship, please stop. You don’t need an official Facebook status to make you happy, and if your date is right for you, it will happen naturally. Why don't you join the rest of us independent, millennial women and leave the neediness for the men? Who knows – maybe one day they'll be the ones sitting at home searching for relationship advice in a copy of ‘She’s just not that into you’.