Helicopter Parenting and 5 Ways It Impacts Kids

There are a variety of parenting styles, and a quick review of the neighborhood park's playground will show examples of everything from the permissive parent to the authoritarian parent. You might also see helicopter parents.

The term "helicopter parent" was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott's 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager by teens who said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter. Similar terms include "lawnmower parenting," "cosseting parent," or "bulldoze parenting."

But what exactly is a helicopter mom, dad, or any caregiver and why it can be a problem?

What Is a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter parenting refers to a style of parenting where caregivers are highly involved in their child's life. Their intense focus can negatively impact a child's mental health, self-image, coping skills, and more.

"They typically take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures," says Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit and author of Anxiety Disorders: The Go-To Guide for Clients and Therapists.

Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, says that helicopter parenting is simply over-parenting. "It means being involved in a child's life in a way that is overcontrolling, overprotecting, and over perfecting, in a way that is in excess of responsible parenting," Dr. Dunnewold explains.

Examples of Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting most often applies to parents who help high school or college-aged students with tasks they're capable of doing alone (for instance, calling a professor about poor grades, arranging a class schedule, or managing exercise habits). But really, helicopter parenting can apply at any age.

"In toddlerhood, a helicopter parent might constantly shadow the child, always playing with and directing his behavior, allowing him zero alone time," Dr. Dunnewold says.

In elementary school, helicopter parents might work to ensure a child gets a specific teacher or coach, select the child's friends and activities, or provide disproportionate help with homework and school projects.

What Causes Helicopter Parenting?

Helicopter parenting can develop for many reasons, but there are common triggers.

Fear of dire consequences

Parents might fear their child's rejection from the sports team or a botched job interview—especially if they feel they could've done more to help. But according to Deborah Gilboa, M.D., of Ask Doctor G, "Many of the consequences [parents] are trying to prevent—unhappiness, struggle, not excelling, working hard, no guaranteed results—are great teachers for kids and not life-threatening. It just feels that way."

Feelings of anxiety

Worries about the economy, the job market, and the world, in general, can push parents to take more control over their child's life to protect them. "Worry can drive parents to take control in the belief that they can keep their child from ever being hurt or disappointed," explains Dr. Daitch.

Overcompensation

Adults who felt unloved, neglected, or ignored as children can overcompensate with their children. Excessive attention and monitoring sometimes attempt to remedy the parents' deficiency in their upbringing.

Peer pressure from other parents

When parents see other over-involved parents, it can trigger a similar response. "Sometimes, when we observe other parents over-parenting or being helicopter parents, it will pressure us to do the same," Dr. Daitch says. "We can easily feel that if we don't immerse ourselves in our children's lives, we are bad parents. Guilt is a large component in this dynamic."

The Effects of Helicopter Parenting

Many helicopter parents start with good intentions. "It is a tricky line to find—to be engaged with our children and their lives, but not so meshed that we lose perspective on what they need," Dr. Gilboa says.

Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as feelings of love and acceptance, better self-confidence, and opportunities to grow. However, "the problem is that, once parenting becomes governed by fear and decisions based on what might happen, it's hard to keep in mind all the things kids learn when we are not guiding each step," Dr. Gilboa explains. "Failure and challenges teach kids new skills, and, most importantly, teach kids that they can handle failure and challenges."

The effects of helicopter parenting are widespread but may include consequences such as the following.

Decreased confidence and self-esteem

"The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires," Dr. Dunnewold says. "The underlying message [the parent's] over-involvement sends to kids is 'my parent doesn't trust me to do this on my own.'" This message, in turn, leads to a lack of confidence.

Undeveloped coping skills

If the parent is always there to clean up a child's mess—or prevent the problem in the first place—how does the child ever learn to cope with disappointment, loss, or failure? As a result, helicopter parenting can lead to maladaptive behaviors.

For example, a 2018 study in Developmental Psychology found that parents who are overly controlling can impair their child's ability to regulate emotions and behavior. Other studies have found that kids who experienced helicopter parenting had an inflated sense of self and impulsivity.

Increased anxiety

A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that over-parenting is associated with higher levels of child anxiety and depression. Researchers found the same was true for college students whose parents were over-involved.

Sense of entitlement

Children who have always had their social, academic, and athletic lives adjusted by their parents can become accustomed to always having their way, which can result in a sense of entitlement.

Undeveloped life skills

Parents who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, launder clothes, and monitor school progress—even after children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task—prevent kids from mastering these skills.

How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting

So how can a parent care for their children without inhibiting their ability to learn essential life skills? Dr. Gilboa offers this advice: "As parents, we have a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our children now—their stressors, strengths, and emotions—and one eye on the adults we are trying to raise. Getting them from here to there involves some suffering, for our kids as well as for us."

In practical terms, this means letting children struggle, allowing them to be disappointed, and helping them to work through failure. It also means letting your children do the tasks they're physically and mentally capable of.

As Dr. Gilboa says, "Remembering to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving our child's problems will help us build the resilient, self-confident kids we need."