Answer the following questions honestly. No one is going to see your answers so forget about political correctness and answer how you really feel. Your partner should take the test separately.
1. Do you spend time imagining the child of your dreams– the perfect (or not so perfect) combination of you and your spouse’s genes?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
2. Do you long to be pregnant or see your spouse pregnant?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
3. Does it bother you that future generations of your family will not be related by blood to you and your ancestors?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
4. Does it hurt you to see a pregnant woman or nursing mother?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
5. Do you find it hard to talk about your infertility without crying or intense emotions or do you avoid talking about your infertility at all?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
6. Are you furious at God for inflicting you with infertility? (Why not boils or locusts for goodness sakes!)
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
7. Do you feel like you are less of a woman or man because you can’t biologically have a child?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
8. Do you feel pressured to hurry up and get past infertility and get on with adoption and the rest of your life?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
9. Do you get angry at the thought of having to prove yourself worthy to adopt?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
10. Do you wish you could skip all the adoption education and just jump straight to the part where a child is in your home?
___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom
Adoption professionals and psychologists strongly recommend that infertile couples resolve their infertility issues before they adopt. Resolution doesn’t necessarily mean that the grief entirely goes away, but it’s a matter of degrees. Many parents I interviewed said they knew they were ready to adopt when they wanted to parent more than they wanted to be pregnant. When you can answer sometimes and seldom to the adoption quiz questions then it is time to go forward and find your child through adoption.
If you are struggling pre or post adoption, get help from a therapist that specializes in infertility. One of the best resources we’ve found was a Creating a Family show on Resolving Infertility Grief after Adoption. Practical and compassionate advice. Check out this blog: Does a Baby Fix Infertility.
Image credit: Chris Yarzab
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