Pity the poor mall Santa, besieged by high-pitched demands for unimaginative toys while bracing his arm like a seatbelt to hold little Johnny for “just a couple more seconds” as mommy fiddles with her phone’s camera.
But surely during this monotony our dispirited mall Santa would have felt an inkling of a happy disturbance in the forces that rule and unite Santas on Saturday as his comrades and comradettes took to Vancouver streets to spread the good word.
Not that anybody kept official track, but it was the 14th annual SantaCon in Vancouver. A couple hundred Santas showed up for the pub crawl and merry mischief-making in various degrees of Santa suit fabric quality that likely ranged from extremely flammable within half a kilometre of a tea light to keeping toasty on the tundra.
Meeting place St. Augustine’s pub was filled by noon with Mr. Clauses, a smattering of Mrs. Clauses, a couple of Grinches, a gingerbread man, shepherds, elves and reindeer to round out the corners.
SantaCon Vancouver isn’t anywhere near the size of its New York cousin, a slow-moving behemoth of thousands where drunk and disorderly-related antics have many non-elves viewing it as The Terror of Christmas. Nor are its participants as enterprising as in San Francisco, the event’s birthplace, where one Santa broke off from the herd to rob a bank, thus giving an entirely different meaning to “SantaCon.”
In Vancouver, there are rules which most Santas seemed to abide by — for the afternoon anyway.
To paraphrase, Santas must be respectful towards kids, police, security and other Santas (in the spirit of politeness, Santas are asked to bring cash and pay servers immediately after receiving beverages). Oh, and when asked by a non-Santas what the raucous group of roving Santas is all about is all about, tell them it’s “SantArchy” which is what the organizers Vancouver Cacophony Society say is a more accurate description of the local roam. The answer to, “Why are you doing this?” (“Because Santa loves you!”) is boring so Santa, himself, was asked in person.
Santa Gregory Haas was outside the Commercial Drive pub in a decidedly more European and less dollar store-looking get-up than most.
Haas’s Father Christmas was put together after buying a deep red robe from Craigslist and sewing fake white fur to the trim, and completing the look with a horn attached to a belt and a gift box belt “buckle” à la Justin Timberlake.
“I look forward to this more than I look forward to Christmas,” said Haas. “The chaos, the camaraderie, the turnout — having so many people show up for this absurd event is great.”
Inside St. Augustine’s, a fellow dressed in the Christmas spirit of a 1980s WWF wrestler’s manager chanted via a bullhorn, “Server! Server! Server!” any time he spotted a waitress struggling to get through the sea of Santas.
Mrs. Claus, aka Mel ter Borg, a SantaCon regular since 2006 who had craftily fashioned her entire outfit, including an old-timey hat out of a shower cap, was sitting at a table in the middle of the pub with four men, all of whom she had roped in for their first SantaCon.
“There’s something so weird about so many people dressed alike,” she said. “Why do I like it? Saying Merry Christmas 500 times gets you into the Christmas spirit.”
What was interesting was the growing crowd attracted Saint Nicks of all ages, even perhaps leaning towards older rather than younger.
Naturally “Bad Santa” Michael Schelhaas had something to say about that.
“Why is it an older crowd? Do you really want the answer to that question? Because it’s going to be deep,” he said. “I’ll tell you why, it’s because young people nowadays, they have no soul! Why do they have no soul? Because their parents give them everything! They don’t know how to have fun. Their fun is antiquated through sending pictures to each other!”
After a speech (from the organizers, not Schelhaas), the mob headed to the Commercial Drive SkyTrain Station. And in the spirit of SantArchy, some Santas flooded the train to New Westminster while others, upon hearing rollerskating in Surrey was a possibility, jumped on the train for Main Street for a crawl. Both Santa factions reunited at the No. 5 Orange which posted a photo on Instagram of many red hats sitting around the stage with the caption “Then the Santas invaded.”
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