Recently, because of a throwaway comment by an American man on a dating site, I found myself back in what’s known as the manosphere, a sub-section of the internet where men talk frankly to each other about being men. (I’d been here before, briefly, looking at the pick-up artist mentality.)
Hopefully, not all sections of the manosphere are so misogynistic, but in the quadrant I wandered into, the disdain for women was vociferous and startling, and “feminist” was a deadly slur.
I went off on a trail, following links to other blogs where men complained that women are biologically determined to be illogical, dim-witted, spendthrift, childish, prone to do the opposite of what they say and in need of male dominance.
I went sideways, through the hair-raising comment sections of other blogs, and saw a man suggesting on a forum that women were not full adults and should be denied the vote, and on another, a girlfriend referred to as a woman-baby. The woman-baby can be controlled by saying no to her a lot, on principle, even if a refusal isn’t needed, because it’s vital not to let her keep getting her own way. In parts of the community, it’s a given that men are neutered by marriage and by female demands, and that society has been neutered by feminism.
This all started because the American accused me of “shit testing” him. I had no idea what he meant so I Googled it, and spent an afternoon in silent wonder.
A shit test is a provocation, vocalised by a woman in order to test the mettle of a possible or actual partner. The theory is that all women shit test (whether they know it or not), in order to determine the status of a male. The alpha male doesn’t put up with any nonsense; he’s sublimely self-confident. He may laugh a shit test off or turn it around. He knows how to handle women. The idea is that the men these websites describe as betas can mimic alpha success with technique.
I had an online conversation with the man who said I was shit testing him:
“I’ve just looked that up. Shit tester. It seems to mean, a woman who disagrees with you.”
“Not at all. Your understanding is very superficial. All women shit test. It’s hardwired. You are programmed to want to identify the best mate and in identifying him you throw up obstacles we are meant to overcome.”
“Do you have personal experience of this process or is it something you’ve been told is true?”
“All men have personal experience of it.”
“If I had approached you, rather than letting you approach me, here on the site – would you have replied to me?”
“Absolutely not. Good women don’t chase men.”
“What’s a good woman?”
“You know what a good woman is.”
“Am I shit testing you now, by having this conversation?”
“Yes you are.”
“See, I would just characterise this as debate. Is debate not allowed? If I disagree with you about something, that’s shit testing, is it?”
“Not always, but we are in a specific environment here, in which we are trying to determine whether the other person is the highest-status mate we can get for ourselves.”
“I’m not interested in status.”
“Yes, you are. You just don’t know it.”
“That’s the kind of comment that shuts down all debate, though, isn’t it, if you are the only one in the conversation who knows what each of us thinks.”
“Well, it ought to.”
“You don’t think I know my own mind?”
“In my experience women don’t, in general. The exceptions tend to be masculinised to the extent that men aren’t attracted to them.”
“Am I masculinised?”
“It’s hard to say. You have masculine attributes, yes. But it’s all about a balance. You may have sufficient qualities to balance that out. I don’t know you. I’d have to meet you and see how you are in real world conversation.”
“I don’t have any interest in doing that, however.”
“Ah. I failed your shit test then.”
“No. You’re just a weirdo.”
“I’m not interested in you either. I’m looking for a feminine woman, but there are very few left.”
Stella Grey is a pseudonym.
