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January 2018
New Year New You... Or is it Really ?
We use that expression all the time, but is it really true? Can you really be a “new you”? After all, you take you wherever you go, and you have certain aspects of yourself that are just “you,” and that’s terrific, and sometimes not so terrific, but it is what it is!
So when I talk about “New Year, New You,” I’m sharing about a few key Sparkle Power Principles that, when implemented imperfectly but on an ongoing basis, we show up in our lives in a whole new way. In doing so, we get to rewrite the story of our present life and step into our future in a dynamic way. And when we do that, we SPARKLE.
So here’s my 5 SPARKLE Power Principles for bringing a new experience to this year and creating an exciting next chapter for yourself.
1) Shift from criticism to curiosity.
This is by far my most foundational SPARKLE Power Principle of all. Why? Because it changed my life! For real! Nothing is worse than a belly full of passion and a head full of negative self-talk; it’s torture! I lived in it for years. Truth be told, it wasn’t until I had a spiritual awakening at 26, when I heard this curious and compassionate inner voice quietly but potently chiming in amongst the loud overbearing negative self-talk I call my “Itty Bitty Committee”, that I seized the moment and took it as a life preserver for someone who was drowning in a sea of perfectionism, harsh self-criticism, and “stuckness”. Lucky for me, I’m wildly curious, especially about human nature and potential. And lucky for all of us, we’re all wildly curious at our core. So if all you do in this new year is commit to telling yourself to stop when you come up against criticism of self and others, take a big ol’ breath, and make a shift to curiosity, then your life will change. I’m not talking about analysis paralysis, or condoning bad behavior from yourself or another person, but rather a deep and heartfelt, “hmmm, wow, how interesting; what can I learn from this?” you will get answers, and you will shift, and you will change. Once you do this enough, answers will be revealed and you’ll learn about your own wiring, your dreams, your secrets, and your emotional life. It’s a muscle to stop, breathe and get curious. Curiosity is often beaten or socialized out of us at an early age, but we can get it back.
2) The body doesn’t lie. You can’t boss around your heart. You can’t not know what you know.
I heard these statements 10 years ago and I’ve worked with them ever since. Especially for women, it’s easy to second-guess ourselves, or doubt what we see, feel, and know. These three statements, when worked with on a regular basis, will help rebuild the self-trust that perhaps was severed decades ago.
The first one deals with listening to your body; it will rarely fail you. Your heart will also reveal a lot. And there’s so much to say about the dance between wisdom and our inclination to turn our back on what we know inside to be true, betraying ourselves in the process. Of course, we have old patterning that has undermined all three: our heart, our wisdom, and our body. But, I am a hopeless optimist and I believe that with compassion and practice and, of course, curiosity all three can be restored.
3) Focus on productive versus positive thinking.
I got this jewel in one of my early coaching training sessions with Laura Berman Fortgang, and it has stayed with me ever since. Brilliant. Thinking positive, while it feels better and I do believe it can produce positive results, is not as effective as thinking productively. This is how I use it: when I find myself obsessing about something I said or did which may have landed poorly, I will stop and ask “Is it productive to continue to keep going over and over these thoughts in my head?” The answer will invariably be a resounding, “NO”. I love the word productive because the root is produce, as in what do I want to produce in my life? When I think of that, my answer is, “I want to produce a sense of well-being, of trusting that I am enough. I want to produce a sense of confidence that, even if I said something off, I have the skills to reach out to the person and clean it up, or get a reality check from a friend who knows me and who I trust.” My solution is embedded in the question: “What do I want to produce in my life” around something that comes up. Producing isn’t always about a project or a goal, it can be about a state of mind or how we want to feel.
4) Commit to one “deliciously uncomfortable” action per day.
I have a goal of one “deliciously uncomfortable” action per day that is in service of my Courage to SPARKLE and I actually write it down. It could be anything from applying for a TEDX Talk, to fostering greater transparency and communication by having a heartfelt and honest conversation with a friend. Even cleaning up your database (something I’m working on), which is so unsexy, is still deliciously uncomfortable because it allows you greater clarity of your network and the ability to really connect on an ongoing basis.
5) Celebrate yourself and others on a regular basis.
My Mom, Edie, was a role model for me when it came to celebrating people – often in a crazy, over the top, wildly codependent way, but at her core, nothing gave her more pleasure than celebrating people. It was her life’s mission to make people feel really special, loved, and heard. As a result, people always wanted to spend time with her and loved her profoundly. She would look for wonderfully unique things that made people special and celebrate them. The effect was extraordinary. From bank tellers to good friends, people felt elevated in her presence.
The sad part was, while she was brilliant at celebrating others, she wasn’t able to turn that inwards and was relentlessly hard on herself. As a child, it broke my heart to see someone who was so great at giving to others so much pleasure unable to do the same for herself. I took that lesson to heart and now work on always celebrating myself as well as celebrating others. Take a moment every day to celebrate 3 to 5 things that you did really well. Be specific. Rather than ‘I lead a great sales meeting,’ drill it down a bit; try 'I was really well prepared, focused on my client’s needs and felt totally genuine.' When we get specific, we understand what we accomplished and we can take it in. Breathe in and really digest your accomplishments. Just like you hopefully wouldn’t wolf down a gourmet meal, make sure to do the same when it comes to your own accomplishments.
Take on these 5 SPARKLE POWER PRINCIPLES and your 2018 will rock.
Looking to make 2018 a year to truly SPARKLE?
Email me at lois@loisbarth.com and in the subject field write:
30 minute Sparkle Session, and get your complimentary 30-minute session to see how coaching can support you in doing that.
SPECIAL OFFER
Great News! -I’m having a special 15% off promotion for Coaching Packages, but only up until January 31st. Are you game?
Life is Short.
Life is Precious.
SPARKLE Now!
Courage to SPARKLE Lady Lois
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