1. Having a sandwich fall apart as you eat it is basically the END OF THE WORLD.
2. And burritos are basically just disasters waiting to happen.
3. It will piss you off to no end if you've made a sandwich, only for it to fall apart when you cut it.
No, seriously. Your sandwiches must. be. cut. perfectly.
4. It gives you severe anxiety to see fruit salad on a plate with other savory items.
5. When ice cream starts to melt — even a little bit — it severely decreases your enjoyment of said ice cream.
6. The thought of the smell of ketchup on your hands gives you shivers.
7. If the handle of your fork has gotten food/grease/sauce on it, you're gonna need a clean fork.
8. If the cheese layer slides off the top of your pizza, you might just cry.
9. If a perforated cracker doesn't break on the goddamned line, you'll just break through the entire box until you get a perfectly uniform cracker.
10. Also, when the cheese-to-cracker ratio is not proportional, you're going to want to talk to the manager.
11. And of course you've wondered why they can't make goat cheese that WON'T break a cracker when you spread it on.
12. You know what's almost as awful as getting sauce on your face? The napkin that becomes the slimy receptacle for your sauce.
13. You don't trust apple pie.
14. When it comes to food you have to eat with your hands: You'll probably find a way to use a utensil.
15. Of course, you will eat some foods with your hands — provided they are dry and bite-sized.
16. Overdressed salads are the things nightmares are made of.
17. And watching babies eat and get shit all over their little faces and hands is pure torture.
18. Above all, you won't settle for anything (especially in the sandwich department) that's less than flawless.
