For Parents & Caregivers

Having short conversations regularly is important and effective. Small talks about healthy relationships, alcohol and other drugs, hygiene, healthy eating and exercise, etc. go a long way.  Long, heavy lectures may be met with an eye roll or refusal to sit and listen. Asking your child about what they know or how they feel about a situation and sharing a bit of information on the topic can be more effective. 

• • This resource has more examples of communication skills and even has video examples of ineffective communication and positive effective communication.

Kids who learn about the risks of alcohol and other drugs from their parents are less likely to use.

• Have regular discussions from an early age with consistent and age appropriate messages about the risks of alcohol and other drugs. 
• Plan what you want to say.
• Practice how you will respond to tough questions and if you don’t have the answer say let’s find the information together.
• Find teachable moments.
• Teach your child how to turn down alcohol and other drugs.
• Get more tips for talking with your child. 

Not sure how to start?  Try this app!  It guides you through having a conversation with your child about alcohol.  Learn more about “Talk. They Hear You”.

Kids are less likely to use drugs when they have relationships with caring adults they trust.

• Listen to your child. Ask about things they enjoy doing.
• Be empathetic about problems with friends.
• When your child seems angry or upset, start a conversation with an observation like “you seem sad” or “you seem stressed.” and practice Active Listening (above). 
• Have dinner (can’t do dinner? How about breakfast?)  together at least four times a week. This doesn’t have to be a fancy meal, eating together sends the message that they are important to you and you want to spend time with them. It also opens opportunities for conversation and checking in on what is going on in your lives. 
• Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.
• When your child is going to someone’s house, make sure an adult will be home.

Encourage your child to call any time they feel uncomfortable and want to leave a situation.  This can be hard at certain stages of their lives and with certain friends, so creating a code emoji or code word can help. Read more about this strategy.

Kids who pursue their interests and dreams are less likely to try alcohol and drugs.

What makes your child tick? What do they “get lost” in? What’s their spark? Providing opportunities for your children to pursue their interests is important.  It helps with identity development, building skills, and self-confidence. Sometimes what interests them doesn’t line up with what we are interested in or what we wish they were interested in. It is important that we follow their interests and provide opportunities for them to engage deeply in activities they enjoy.

You might think, “My child has no interests, except being on her phone or playing video games.” Have them teach you about an app or how to play their favorite game. Are they interested in learning how to develop apps? Make a video game? Connect them to the resources that can help them learn this skill. Find what interests them and help them to pursue it. This will show that you care and provide more opportunities for positive conversations that can strengthen your relationship.

Depending where you live and what your child is interested in, it may be difficult to find opportunities for them. It may take a little digging. Time and money can also be factors.  Don’t give up! Many programs offer financial assistance, as do local civic organizations.  Ask your child’s guidance counselor and school principal, too, for opportunities available. 

VolunteerNH is a great place to explore the many opportunities for youth and families to volunteer and get involved in their communities.  In addition, ask your local faith community and charitable organizations how you can get involved. Is there a specific area your child is interested in?  Animals? Elderly? Finding an organization whose mission is in-line with your child’s values and interests is important. 

See what is happening at your local Parks and Recreation office. 

Check out your local public library. They offer a variety of activities and programs for all ages. 

Reach out to your Regional Public Health Network to see what resources are available locally. 

Also, the Youth and Family Field Specialists at UNH Cooperative Extension know about the many opportunities available for young people around the state.  Reach out to see what is happening in your area. 

ParentingNH has a wealth of information about what is available throughout the state. 

New Hampshire is home to many wonderful summer camps where youth can explore interests, try new things, and meet new friends! 

It can take time and effort to find opportunities for our kids to discover their interests, but when you see them take off and follow their passion, it will all be worth it!

Your child may not have that passion yet. They may not know what they are really interested in.  Help them explore.  Look for opportunities in your community such as: 

• Community Service – Volunteering and getting involved in the community gives a sense of purpose, and expands your child’s awareness of the world.
• Sports – Keeping active in sports provides physical, mental and emotional benefits, and helps a child from developing self-mastery and building skills for team work..
• Art, Drama and Music – Creative self expression and with friends who have similar interests can help a child develop a talent(s) and increase self-confidence.

You can build trust with your child and help them make healthy choices by having clear and consistent expectations, rules, and consequences.

Set your expectations. Tell them it is not okay to drink or do drugs because:

• It‘s against the law.
• You’re still growing and your brain is still developing. Alcohol and drugs has been proven to affect your memory, your ability to learn, and can permanently damage your brain.
• Doing drugs and drinking when you’re a teen makes you more likely to become addicted.
• You are more likely to make a decision you will regret when you are drinking or getting high, such as getting in a car, getting in a fight, or having sex.
• Kids who drink are more likely to try other drugs.

Establish the rules and follow through.

• Talk to your child about rules at a time when you both are calm. Clearly explain the rules, for example what time they must come home, and the consequence for breaking the rule.
• Build a trusting relationship with respect and consistency. Reinforce the behavior you want. When your child follows all the rules consistently, allow them some flexibility to negotiate the one rule that they would most like to change (curfew, bedtime, etc).
• Follow through with consequences. Uphold your rules and rules set by the school and community. When your child has a consequence for not following a rule, help them understand why, and discuss what they can do differently in the future.

Kids imitate adults.

• If you decide to drink alcohol, do it in moderation, defined as up to one drink a day for women and up to two drinks a day for men.
• Show them that you always designate a non-drinking driver for safety and never drink and drive.
  Don’t use illegal drugs.
• Use prescription as prescribed by your health care professional and use over-the-counter legal drugs safely.

Kids who perform well in school are less likely to become involved with alcohol and drugs.

• Encourage improvements in grades and in good work.
• Make sure your child has a quiet place to do homework.
• Coach your child on effective ways to ask teachers for help and advice.

Teen Safe Course

In this course, you will learn how to protect your teenager’s health, life, and future through a series of brief videos demonstrating the effects of adolescent substance use on the developing brain. You also will learn practical tips on how to keep your teen safe.

The Addiction Policy Forumhas developed a series of videos to explain how addition happens and works towards ending stigma.

E-cigarettes are very popular with young people. Their use has grown dramatically in the last five years. Today, more high school students use e-cigarettes than regular cigarettes. The use of e-cigarettes is higher among high school students than adults. Nicotine exposure during adolescence and young adulthood can cause addiction and harm the developing brain. See our parent resource page on e-cigarettes and tobacco here.

My Life, My Quit shares the truth about nicotine, vaping and other tobacco products. It also offers help for teens who decide they want to quit vaping. They can text “Start My Quit” to 36072 to talk with a coach who is ready to listen and cheer them on. They can also call 855-891-9989. 

Smoke Free Teen has nicotine quitting resources including text, chat, an app and more. Developed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The Truth Initiative strives to expose Big Tobacco’s lies and manipulation as well as spreading awareness about the opioid epidemic. Youth can get empowered and involved or also get help quitting vaping/tobacco with the ThisIsQuitting app.

For anyone 18 and older, the New Hampshire Quitline, QuitNow-NH offers free help with quitting all types of tobacco and nicotine products.