Asking questions allows your child or teen to keep conversations going, to keep learning more about others, and to make others feel good.   Those who struggle with social challenges may benefit from learning that others enjoy talking about their own interests.  They can also benefit from learning the art of asking questions.

The Secret is Curiosity

Teach your child or teen that the secret to exciting conversation is to be curious and ask questions about the other person’s interests. Teach her to ask who, what, where, when, why, and how to keep the conversation moving.  With younger kids, you might suggest they pretend to be like Curious George.  If they were fans as preschoolers, remind them of the TV show theme song, “You’ll never be bored when you ask yourself, ‘What is this?’ like Curious George.”

For example, learning that a friend is going to Disney World opens the door to ask a whole host of questions.

• How will you get there?  Will you fly or go by car?

• Who are you going with?

• When were you there last?  How old were you then?

• How many times have you been to Disney World?

• What was your favorite thing to do last time?  Why did you like that so much?

• What are you looking forward to doing this time?  Why?

• Where are you staying?  Have you stayed there before?  When?

• Which park will you go to first?  Where will you go first?

• What day will you go to the Magic Kingdom (or Epcot, or…)?

• What are you looking forward to doing there?

• Whose autograph do you want to get?  Why?

• Who is your favorite prince/princess?

• Who is your favorite character?

• What rides are you scared to ride?  Why?

• What rides were you scared of last time that you’ll ride this time?

When her friend returns from Disney World, she can ask similar questions to show her interest in her friend.

Teach How to Add to the Conversation

With each question, the child or teen can add her own thoughts every now and then and then keep asking questions.  For example, “My favorite character is Goofy, who is yours?”  After their friend tells what ride they are scared of, your child could say, “I’m really afraid to ride the Tower of Terror.”  Children can also learn to add “fillers” like “Wow!” or “That’s cool!” as described in the previous post about Active Listening.

Teach What Not to Ask

Some children will need to be reminded not to pry into another’s personal business.  They may even need to be directly taught not to ask certain personal questions like, “How old is your mom?” or “How much did that cost?”

Practice, Practice, Practice

As stated in previous posts, it will be helpful to practice this skill with your child or teen using all sorts of situations when considering all sorts of people.  For some kids, it may be helpful to point out that talking with a friend will be different from a talking with a teacher or an older relative.  Remember that practice makes perfect: practice with your socially challenged child every chance you get.

Need Help Applying These Concepts?

Call 817.421.8780 to set up an appointment.  Dr. Davenport is happy to help you help your child or teen.

(c) 1995-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.