The dinner party is a staging a mighty, long-awaited comeback. Laughing in the face of the ghastly 'kitchen supps' upstart, it is charging back into our lives - full frontal, full throttle, totally pumped, pimped up and on banging Eighties form. Goodbye, jeans and flat shoes. So long, bed by 10. Farewell, 'just us'. It's as glamorous as sitting around a table at home gets. It's a party. With dinner. Not a catch-up. Not cosy. No private rooms. By definition, a dinner party cannot happen in a public place. So the rules are your rules. The food is your food. The onus is on you and, as ever, Tatler is here to help with some tips for a marvellous, à la mode dinner party.
Invitations
No group emails. It should be a mystery who else is coming. If you want to be grand yet firm, follow up a tentative acceptance with a completely plain 'at home' stiffy. That way everyone knows you mean business and cancellation is not an option.Guests
A dinner party has no less than eight people. Not all should be friends - too predictable. No spice. And not all should be strangers - too corporate. No trust. Not all should be married but, of course, all can be single. No children allowed, unless they come and say hello for five minutes or less, and certainly no performing children. This is never OK.Dress
Up. Anything from trousers with heels to a cocktail dress. Men should wear some kind of jacket. This is just guests making an effort to acknowledge the effort of the host. And it heightens everything... pleasingly.The timing
8 for 8.30pm, with dinner being served at 8.45. Serving the food later than 9pm is unacceptable (it assumes that no one has a job or a child or any reason to get out of bed before 9am) and never wait for latecomers. Leaving before 11 is to be avoided, unless by prior arrangement, as it suggests that the party has failed.The welcome
Never ask a woman in heels to take her shoes off when she enters your house, however plush the carpet. It will ruin her outfit and her night. Early in the evening is the best time to get help if you can - taking coats and fetching cocktails makes things awkward. And never include anyone's job in an introduction. A test of a brilliant dinner party is how much time elapses before anyone has to say, 'So, what do you do?'Food
No one cares. Not really. Sharing plates on the table or help yourself from the side are preferable to staff trembling under the weight of enormous platters - too feudal and too self-conscious-making. Any guests with any kind of vegan tendency or intolerance should eat before and never mention it.Table
Round is best for conversation. Long and thin is best for flirting - women along one side, men along the other. Try it. It's better. A long linen tablecloth hides all number of indiscretions, so it's basically footsie vs laundry. No big centrepieces that people have to peer over.Conversation
Until now it has never been acceptable to veto the conversation. But in these troubled times it is advisable to impose a Brexit moratorium. Nothing else is out of bounds.Smoking
If you can bear it, let people smoke. Those are always the best dinner parties. Otherwise you'll have everyone smirting outside. Everyone will understand if you don't allow smoking, but...Town and Country
The rules are all the same. Wherever you are geographically, it is appalling to ask women to leave the table and retire to the drawing room, no matter how desperate the poor women are to get away from all the dull men. Those times have gone; that ship has sailed.Ting-Ting
Make a brief speech if you must, but on no account go around the table asking guests to hold forth - it is a tedious and aggressive act that sucks the fun out of the evening. Speaking of fun - never stand up and say anything that starts with the phrase 'I thought it would be fun if...' People will die inside.Goodie bags
There is a disconcerting blurring of boundaries going on that we need to address. Dinner parties are not corporate occasions or shop openings. They are deeply personal. The dinner party is the present. Absolutely no goodie bags allowed.
