If you see yourself as competent and valued, we often say you have good self-esteem. Researchers have identified it as a predictor of success and happiness.  But maintaining what you perceive to be a high level of self-esteem can cause you to live in fear of making mistakes. Has anyone ever said to you — “give yourself a break?”  It’s good to realize we all have ups and downs.  Looking at your own mistakes and shortcomings as human can unlock great potential.  Many very successful people admit to having made a boatload of mistakes throughout their lives. Looking at yourself honestly and trying to figure out what needs to be done differently can move your esteem meter in the right direction.

In “Wired For Success” Ray Williams asks “Does Facebook enhance or detract from our self-esteem?”  With more than one billion users now worldwide, Facebook gives us an opportunity to show a positive version of who we are and what we do.  When we see a lot of “likes” on something we posted, how good does that make you feel?

In a study conducted by psychology researcher, Soraya Mhdizadeh at York University, it was discovered that people with lower self-esteem were more likely to spend more than an hour a day on Facebook and were more prone to promote themselves.  In another study done by Alex Jordan at Stanford University, it was determined that Facebook users consistently over-estimated the fun their friends were having and often concluded that everyone else was having more fun than they were.

Childhood experiences that are said to contribute to self-esteem include being listened to, being spoken to respectfully, receiving appropriate attention and affection, and having mistakes or failures acknowledged and accepted.  Kids with low self-esteem may not want to try new things and often see failure as permanent.  Helping kids become good at things and to pursue their interests is key.  We need to emphasize how every child is unique, but feeling special doesn’t mean having to feel better than others.  Something proven to increase self-esteem is to teach kids to work toward a goal.  For a homeless high school student to even dream about going to college just might be enough motivation to make that happen.

Self-talk is important in all we do. While teaching children and young adults to make positive self-statements can help, psychologists have found that negative self-talk is often behind depression and anxiety.  Some examples of useful self-talk are:  It’s ok if we lost the game since we did our best.”  “It makes me feel good to help others, even if the person doesn’t thank me.”

Adolescents often evaluate themselves based on their relationships with peers. No differences have been found between males and females in their development of self-esteem.

People with a healthy level of self-esteem generally:

• Believe in certain values and are ready to defend them
• Trust their own judgment
• Learn from the past and plan for the future