I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘networking’ recently as I’ve often thought it a rather unfortunate choice of word for a people skill deemed so important in business. Whilst you may hear that ‘networking’ may help you to run your business successfully, this word really doesn’t convey the power of people and strong relationships in business.

Indeed ‘net-working’ can at times seem slightly contrived and manipulative especially when people only start to network because they desperately need new customers or a new job.

Whilst stop-start networking activities also can also add to the feast and famine syndrome in business, networking itself may be unsuccessful when speed seems of the essence. Frequently people simply fail to grasp that good relationships just cannot be rushed!

Creating strong connections with people should always start way before projects or jobs come to an end. This will ensure you are not only well-connected but that your contacts both know you and trust you, by the time you ask for help.

Indeed ‘connecting’ often works best when you are not thinking of it as ‘net-working’, i.e. when you are not working at it and don’t even realise you are doing it! When changing your thinking about networking as an activity with an objective and an outcome, you tend to drop what may be seen as a hidden agenda that can prevent the development of a real and trusting relationship.

Everyone knows that strong connections in social circles and with previous colleagues can be much more effective. Therefore if we want to improve our general ‘connecting’ skills, then it may help to become more open to ‘talking to people’ generally.

So for now, I recommend you forget about improving any specific networking strategies, and instead try to take any opportunity to connect, talk and get to know people at:

• conferences, speaker, networking and other ‘work’ related events
• your children’s schools
• social events and sporting activities
• church or when volunteering for charities
• in your doctor’s waiting room, the bus queue, or on holiday

Even when you develop relationships that are not all about ‘business’, you build up your contacts.

So to help you connect with people better:

1. make an effort to attend a larger variety of events, to increase the number of people to speak to
2. try to be approachable, or initiate conversations. Whatever type of event you attend, it may be easiest to talk to someone who looks as if they are also on their own
3. show interest in people by asking lots of open questions
4. don’t underestimate the power of small talk, particularly at the beginning of a conversation.

Like with any new skill, the more you practise, the more natural you will become. By making the switch to becoming a people person who is genuinely interested in others and in making friends, you will get to understand the true essence of connecting to build powerful relationships, rather than just the mere act of ‘networking’.

Ute Wieczorek-King is an experienced trainer, mentor and business coach who specialises in helping busy women to be more more focused, efficient, productive and profitable in business. Ute is co-author of networking manual “From Contact to Advocate” – a 7-step approach to developing referral relationships in business.  Network with authenticity and a simple and consistent structure to generate more business!

PS This post was first published in May 2010.