1. You realize how LOUD the city is
The El is deafening, cabs never stop honking and people need to shut the hell up.
2. You simply cannot deal with CTA delays
The worst part is when you can't find a seat and you're forced to breathe your hungover booze breath onto a stranger until they move.
3. Eating a hot dog for breakfast suddenly doesn't sound like such a bad idea
Grease and bread is a hungover necessity, and hot dogs are full of both.
4. You seriously consider punching every Greenpeace canvasser in the face
Canvassers are obnoxious all of the time, but they're unbearable when you're hungover.
5. Elevators become temporary places for a nap
Even if it lasts 10 seconds, an elevator nap can be a saving grace.
6. Eating Chicago's amazing food becomes pointless because you can't taste anything
When you're hungover you can hardly taste, so there's really no point to eating good food.
7. You rummage for Advil at an unfamiliar Walgreens, give up, and go to another Walgreens
Foreign convenience stores have been behind the downfall of many great people.
8. Everyone you pass on the street will sadly frown at you
You're probably gross and look like a mess. Everyone knows.
9. There won't be anywhere to buy cheap sunglasses
Seriously, outside of Ragstock there is nowhere to buy a $5 pair of sunglasses when the sky is unbearably bright.
10. You'll notice all of the smells in the city, none of which are good
Who peed on every square inch of the city?
11. You'll undergo existential crisis that will make you wonder how a city can give you so much but still leave you feeling like this
Friedrich Nietzsche had a philosophical maxim dubbed "amor fati," which loosely translates into "love of fate." The gist is that one must live their life as if they'll have to live it over and over again eternally. It makes one question whether that shot of Malört at 2am was really worth it, or whether living in a city full of amazing cocktails and beers is worth the pain the next day. Chicago is an amazing city, but it can leave even the strongest person tumbling down mind-wracked into a deep dark abyss with no hope for rapture other than a humble soothsayer behind the counter at 7/11 telling you that everything will be OK.