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This post is part of a series, “The One Thing,” where I ask today’s successful leaders to identify the single most important lesson they’ve learned on a given topic.
If you remember what it’s like to be an incoming college freshman, the experience inspired just as much excitement as it did anxiety. As millions of students head off to school for the first time this month, they face a daunting transition process from navigating new levels of accountability and independence, to dealing with consuming workloads and intense social pressures.
The decisions students make during their freshman year can have a major impact on the rest of their college experience, so I asked six top women to weigh in with the unexpected advice they wish they’d heard before stepping foot onto campus for the first time.
What’s ‘The One Thing’ you wish someone had told you before starting college?
Make Top Grades Outside the Classroom
I wish someone had told me before college that it was just as important to focus on making A's outside of the classroom as it was inside of the classroom. Too many times I, and the people around me, sacrificed our health, relationships, and our mental wellbeing to make sure we kept up in class. As long as we "made grades" everything else would be “okay," and inevitably, life took a back seat. I now know that A's in the class and F's in life was not the right approach. One should never abandon their wellbeing to achieve success or rack up accolades. The only way to make the A grades count is if you are healthy, and that transcends beyond physical health. It lends itself to every corner of your life; mental health and personal relationships being at the forefront.
I wish someone had said "you don't carry a report card around with you after your graduate. You carry around your health, your sleep patterns, your relationships and your emotional intelligence, not just your documented intelligence.”
Whitney Wolfe, Founder and CEO of Bumble, was an International Studies major at Southern Methodist University.
Extend Trust Wisely
The one thing I wish someone had told me before starting college is Don’t be so trusting of people. I'm a person who naturally trusts people. If I connect with someone when I meet them; if I think they are smart, or make me laugh, or if feel like they are a good person. I don’t necessarily think they might want something from me. You should realize that no matter how unimportant or junior you may think you are, there is always something another person might want from you. As a result, I have, more often than I’d like to say, found myself in situations where after the original connection, the laughing and everything else, found that I have invested too much or myself in terms of my time, my network, or even in some cases my money. It hurts deeply when you realize that you have been taken advantage of.
In this same vein, I also wish someone had told me, as soon as you realize you have been too trusting, get out! Don’t hope that the situation will miraculously change , because it won’t and will only cause you more heartache along the way.
A graduate of Princeton University with an A.B. in History, Alexandra Lebenthal is the CEO of Lebenthal & Co., LLC.
Define the ‘Who’, Not the ‘What’
I hope that instead of asking yourself, “What do I want to do when I leave this institution of higher learning?” you instead ask yourself, “WHO do I want to be?” Ask yourself constantly, “What is the impact I want to have on this world?”
I’m telling you this as someone who, for too many years, focused on the “what” instead of the “who.” For too many years, I let others and societal expectations define me. I was really good at math and science, so I should become a doctor, right? And I did. But at the end of the day, that journey was about them, not me. A job that means nothing in your heart and soul, and not bringing the full weight of your talents should be an unacceptable compromise.
I believe that our core identity—who we truly are and what we are meant to do in this world—is as intrinsic as our DNA. It’s etched in our soul and ultimately it’s our job to figure out what it is. That is fundamentally, in my humble opinion, the work of your college years. Study hard and mine the lessons of self-reflection as deeply as you do the lessons inside the classroom. It will serve you and the world well.
Cheryl Dorsey, President of Echoing Green, received her Bachelor’s degree in History and and Science from Harvard-Radcliffe Colleges.
Ask Questions to Fuel Connections
I wish someone had emphasized the value of asking great questions over knowing the right answers. In college, and in my early career, I found myself in unfamiliar territory - first, as a woman in computer programming courses, and later, working in technology.
In those early days, I embraced the “fake it till you make it” approach. And it worked! I tackled unfamiliar tasks, I spoke confidently in meetings even when I didn’t feel that way on the inside, and I was reticent to ask others for help, or reveal gaps in my knowledge. In many ways, it served me well and gave me the chance to learn by doing, but I believe I missed something extremely important.
Asking questions - those which broaden my worldview and deepen relationships - has turned out to be one of the most important aspects of my work, both as an executive and as an investor. It starts by practicing empathy and asking questions which help me get to the heart of the matter, whether that’s understanding the risks around a product update from an engineer, to assessing a startup’s potential when I’m evaluating an investment, or gleaning insight from leaders I admire so I can be a better leader myself.
I’ve learned that asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness; rather, it demonstrates curiosity, engagement and intelligence. While this may not seem revolutionary, for me, it meant becoming comfortable with being the one listening, rather than talking, and understanding that asking questions can be the path to lasting intellectual and emotional connections with others.
April Underwood, Vice President of Product at Slack, studied Management Information Services at The University of Texas at Austin.
Push the Boundaries
Before I started college my mother told me to take a class from the best professor no matter what he or she teaches. I took this advice to heart and took Hebrew Scriptures from an amazing woman professor at Swarthmore College. As a Biopsychology and Math major, this was quite outside my comfort zone! Not only was it a great experience, which was the focus of the advice, but it also helped define me as a person. In other words it was outside my comfort zone but it expanded and built a bigger comfort zone. Of course I never would have listened to advice phrased as “Expand your comfort zone."
Expanding your comfort zone means challenging its boundaries and doing things that you might not do other wise. But I’m not talking about experimenting with sex and drugs! I’m talking about hanging out at the Black Cultural Center, or acting in a play, or LARP’ing on a Saturday night. Through these incredible experiences, I learned my biases, my strengths, and my weaknesses. Today, I continue to expand my comfort zone through traveling, 22 years of marriage (and counting), raising two adopted children, and recently becoming a certified recreational tree-climber!
Corinna Lathan is CEO, AnthroTronix. She received her B.A. in Biopsychology and Mathematics from Swarthmore College.
Speak Up, Act Big
You have to become a supreme, verbal storyteller. So much of your career will be based on the moments you're orating and your ability to not only get your point across but have it resonate with someone depends on your ability to hook a person. Public speaking and thinking fast on your feet are skills that are as critical as being an expert in your domain. If you're timid, identify what's causing that and then realize the worst thing that could happen by speaking up is that you're ignored or challenged. Those moments will be trivial in your overall life story. If you want big things to happen to you, you need to act BIG.
Rachel Tipograph, Founder and CEO of MikMak, graduated from New York University where she received a B.A. in Entertainment Business and New Media.
More From 'The One Thing' Series
I Wish I Knew Then: 6 Power Women Share Most Valuable Career Advice: What’s “The One Thing” You Wish You Had Known Starting Out In Your Career?
'When Your Gut Speaks, Listen' - And More Advice On Building A Million-Dollar Business: What’s “The One Thing” you didn’t see coming when launching your business?
Will Corporate Boards Remain A Boys' Club?: What's "The One Thing" that leaders can do to ensure that diversity remains a priority within their organizations?
Why You Always Need A 'Ride Or Die' Investor And Other Top Advice On Getting Funded: What’s “The One Thing” you wish you had known going into the fundraising process?
