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Parenting An Adult
A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

So my son is 18 and to manage his behaviours, we have kind of given in to him and he gets his own way with computer time, what time he goes to bed etc. It's been great around here ever since. He will do his chores and shower etc when I ask and the rest of the time he plays computer games. What I would really like to do is parent him still as though he were 12 because thats about where he is developmentally. But he refuses treatment completely and I cant make him now that he is 18. Have I given… read more

posted August 22, 2014
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A MyAutismTeam Member

My daughter is 25. It is a challenge. No treating her like 12, even when she is acting like that. I remind her our goal is for her to be independent. To do that, she needs to take the role of a roommate. Split the work, the costs, and respect each other's boundaries. We are working on a home management system that roomies could use...or me, to help me keep up to what really ought to get done. I have a board on Pinterest that I am showing photos of our magnetic white boards. Our home management system. See also organized living and education, therapy, and life skills. Or any of my boards. We have deadlines for when things need to be done, a list of things that need to be done, and she gets to choose a couple a day, plus part of the meals work. She works the tasks into her schedule. Sometimes she isn't home much, so she does less on those days...as do I, when I work long hours. Her time, otherwise, is her own. We are working at getting her to set goals and get planning type of stuff done. This is hard for her, but independence means dealing with the government, legalities, medical issues, and stuff that takes paperwork (like resumes and passports). Good luck.

posted August 26, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

If we let him do what he wants and I think if it's working then stick with it we all want our children to have the best but life is supposed to be about the pursuit of happiness life is too short to be fighting with them all the time. So I think yes it's a ok!

posted August 22, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

At least he is willing to do other things besides the games like go to school we can't force treatment but we can encourage it and if they are happy they are more likely to cooperate and do what we would like to see them do My oldest at 22 has a job he likes and an apartment of his own with support from us he is essentially now on his own but it took 4 years to get just this far with him I think it will come for them all. At some point we let go of the life we imagined for them and accept this is what it is and it will be ok. They are happier and so are we I think.

posted August 22, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

So if 'everyone is happy' why are you second guessing yourself? By all means as long as you have done your personal best and he is happy... I consider you to NOT have failed him. So you felt the need to post this because for whatever reason you think what goes on is not as great as it could be... no one is perfect. Daily I do my personal best for my kids and sometimes I start wondering if it is enough. It is. Because nothing is perfect.
I will say this though. If all he does is play video games... he may need a tad more socialization. Maybe there is an activity you can do together or a social skills group? Don't down yourself, it's a hard knock life. And you are right
Happiness is very important. Ask yourself... am I happy with this? If the answer is yes leave it this way. If you get a no... it is up to you.
Be well. Best of luck with your issue.

posted August 23, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

Hi, i think the sooner the better) that u should start to reduce the amount of times that he gets his own way and when he has a meltdown you could explain that in life not everything goes his way and that u an his dad news ..... (whatever it is)

the reason I'm saying the sooner the better is because the longer it goes on the harder it will be, and he will become used to getting his own way, and god forbid that anything happens to u and the ad who ever has him next isn't going to let him get everything he wants and it will make it hard for others,

so my advice would be to change the way he gets his own way an learns that other people have news two and learn to manage his anger..

posted August 27, 2014

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