Why Women In Their 20s Are Having Fewer Orgasms Than Ever (And How To Unlock Your Potential For Pleasure)

Results across several recent studies show that 75 percent of women never orgasm through intercourse. And young women are experiencing orgasm the least. But why?

Social media and dating apps like Tinder contribute to making hookup culture more and more socially normative. While these apps are wonderful tools through which to expand the dating pool and explore sexuality without strings, hookups—for women, at least—don't usually lead to orgasm. The International Academy of Sex Research presented research demonstrating that a woman's chances of reaching orgasm are diminished by half when she's having casual sex as opposed to when she's getting intimate with a committed partner. The reasons behind this include that women are less comfortable telling hookup partners what they want and need and that men are less invested in pleasing a hookup partner than they would be with a person they're emotionally invested in.

Results from a qualitative study of young adults by Salisbury and Fisher showed that the most common concern among both women and men is the impact that lack of female orgasm during partner sex has on the 1male ego1.

Stress, shame, and guilt are obstacles to mindful presence in every situation, and especially in this incredibly vulnerable context. Instead, both parties become absorbed with the self-critical thoughts in their mind. Stress also kills libido. If our minds are not focused on pleasure, our bodies won't be able to experience it. Our tissues become engorged and lubricated as a physical response to pleasure processed by our brains. If we're not processing the cues our bodies send us, those changes won't happen.

The study also showed that male and female participants agreed that men have the responsibility to physically stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women have the responsibility to be mentally prepared to experience orgasm.

Traditional sex education mainly focuses on contraception and prevention of disease, entirely neglecting to address the details of women’s unique anatomy and vast potential for pleasure and orgasm.

So, where sex ed leaves off, porn steps in. Often, the way young people learn about sex is through pornography—a context in which pleasure is entirely separate from emotional connection and tenderness. If pornography is the only tool someone has to learn about sex, their perception of sex will be fundamentally inaccurate.

People of both genders often rely upon assumptions about their partner's preferences and pleasure based on what they've seen or been told rather than communicating explicitly and verbally about their pleasure. Instead of playing charades, they need to learn how to be communicative during sex. Don't be shy. Dirty talk can be its own form of arousal, after all.

Begin a mindfulness practice (if you don't have one already), and use it before and during masturbation. Remind yourself to breathe throughout. Staying relaxed and present will allow you to notice what types of touch bring you the most pleasure.

Exploring your own pleasure is its own reward, but you deserve to benefit from your discoveries when you're getting intimate with a partner. In the same way you've empowered yourself to experience sexual pleasure, you can empower your partner to get in on the fun.