I just read an article in the New York Times that focuses on the importance of generosity in intimate relationships, especially marriage. Researchers have discovered that generosity is a key predictor (outranked only by sexual intimacy and commitment) of a happy marriage. They define generosity as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly."
This finding is completely unsurprising to me. My marriage is hugely generous, and I recognize the importance of that -- it's a daily joy. But I don't think this truth is limited to marriage: I believe generosity is key to success in any relationship.
For example, generosity is one of the six attributes we've found people look for in leaders. When a leader is generous - with belief, time, authority, resources, information - it creates an environment of openness, hope and commitment. People more fully sign up to follow that leader (vs. being compliant and/or disengaged) because they feel valued and supported.
Generosity is essential to good peer relationships as well. One core element of generosity is what we call "assuming positive intent" - taking a generous point of view about why others are acting as they do. For instance, if a colleague does something that inconveniences you, or makes it harder for you to accomplish something - do you immediately assume that they did it on purpose? That they're trying to get in your way or make you fail? That's assuming negative intent.
Assuming positive intent in that situation would mean wondering why the person behaved as they did - getting curious. Were they not aware their actions would impact you? Were they so focused on their own agenda that they didn't take time to consider yours? If you get curious in this way, vs. automatically assuming the worst, you're much more likely to have a conversation with the other person - an open, non-accusatory conversation - to find out why things happened as they did. And you're much, much more likely to then be able to resolve the situation to everyone's satisfaction.
