Candle and prayer book, left, used in Shiva, the Jewish mourning ritual. At right is the interior of Temple Beth El in North Bergen where the prayer book was photographed.
Like millions of others, I cannot describe my feelings about the murder of little eight-year old Leiby Kletzky in Brooklyn. His body was discovered on July 13, 2011.
Seeing that video taken from a security camera showing him walking home alone from summer camp for the first time without his mother breaks my heart. How frisky he was, probably thinking he was a big boy for the first time.
“Your heart has to go out to this family,” said Rabbi Ilan Glazer, the spiritual leader of Temple Beth-El in North Bergen. “It’s awful.” He said it challenges all believing people “to have complete belief in a holy God and ask if God is there to protect us.”
The child’s untimely death also gave most people a glimpse into the ultra-orthodox Jewish world especially how Jews observe shiva, actually a variation on sheva, the Jewish number for seven, he noted. Shiva lasts seven days.
The family is expected to stay home, not go out, and receive visitors who may not initiate conversation. It’s up to the grieving family members to talk about the loved one so the visitors often just sit there and listen, which explains the term, “to sit shiva.”
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and a Hasidic singer, Lipa Schmeltzer, a favorite of the Kletzky boy, were two of many people who made a shiva visit. Schmeltzer recited, and did not sing, the words of Leiby’s favorite song, ironically titled, “As Long As You Are Alive,” because music is not allowed during shiva.
A lot of prohibitions are required in shiva. The family may not cook, so relatives, friends and synagogue members bring food. Glazer said that the food donation is the most consistent practice followed across all Jewish denominations, which observe varying degrees of shiva.
“It’s a remarkable thing,” said Glazer.
Family members are required to omit all vanity during this time like changing clothes, combing hair or even taking showers. In fact, Glazer said that mirrors in the home are routinely covered so people do not look at themselves. Usually the men rip their clothing, like a shirt, to symbolize the brokenness of grief. They are allowed to sew the items when shiva ends.
At the funeral, the mourners wear black ribbons and the rabbi makes a little cut in it. The mourner then rips it as a variation of the severed clothing. The men also sit in low chairs of any kind, which are uncomfortable and symbolize the pain of mourning, as opposed to sitting in a recliner or lounge chair, which comes across as comfortable.
“Everything is centered around being a good Jew and becoming closer to God,” said Glazer.
Prayers are said three times daily during shiva and the rabbi visits regularly. Shabbat is the only time the mourners may go to synagogue but the rabbi may do services in the home for the family.
There is a candle burning in the house for the entire seven day period to symbolize the life of the deceased. It is common for synagogues or temples to light a candle on the anniversary of a deceased member.
Some have lights known as yahrtzeit lights and Glazer said each month he turns on the lights for the anniversaries marked during that time. “It’s one of the holiest things I do.” The Kaddish or mourning prayer is said regularly up to one year.
Glazer is breathing new life into Beth-El and trying all kinds of programming to attract new members. They just initiated a monthly “Tot Shabbat” last Friday at 6:15 in the evening for children up to ten-years-old. There are songs and story telling, a forte of Glazer. They are trying to attract Jews residing along Boulevard East, three blocks from the synagogue, and the waterfront.
They plan storytelling at the River Road Barnes and Noble bookstore and movies at the cinema among more initiatives. Glazer is definitely getting out there. And shiva ends with the grieving members going out and walking around the block to signify that life must go on. But sadly, Leiby Kletzky has already had his last walk home.
Santora is the pastor of The Church of Our Lady of Grace & St. Joseph, 400Willow Ave., Hoboken, 07030, (201) 659-0369, fax (201) 659-5833, e-mail:padrealex@yahoo.com