I’ve written extensively about the challenges of running a business in a world where, as Rudy Giuliani once remarked, “Truth isn’t truth.”
What I haven’t covered up to this point, however, is a practical guide to managing relationships in this post-truth landscape.
When it comes to the topic of truth as it pertains to business relationships, we tend to focus on the art of detecting lies. An entire industry has sprung up around reading body language and spotting the “tells” that indicate someone is lying.
I’m not a fan of this practice, because I don’t think I’m smart or skilled enough to spot a liar based on how they act. Instead of playing amateur detective, I prefer to fall back on a more practical approach to building business relationships in a world where words can no longer be taken at face value.
Rather than try to play gotcha, I focus my efforts on nurturing an environment that is conducive to honest dealings. It’s a common-sense approach that has served me well over the years.
1. Show vulnerability
When we approach business relationships from a guarded or defensive perspective, we encourage the other party to respond in kind. They detect your underlying suspicion and respond with suspicion of their own.
Business is about reciprocity. We feed off of each other and respond based on the signals we detect from the other party.
This principle of reciprocity can work in your favor if properly applied.
When we’re open, vulnerable, and trusting, most people on the other side of the proverbial table feel the need to reciprocate.
This interchange is the key to nurturing an environment of honesty from the get-go. Rather than lie or posture at the onset, leaders should have the courage to offer up some degree of sensitive but not necessarily critical information up-front.
Such vulnerability implies a certain degree of trust with the other party, and that serves to set the tone for the relationship going forward.
I’ve found that this is especially valuable when it comes to attracting new clients here at BodeTree. Whenever I have an initial conversation with a prospect, I always share anecdotes about scenarios where we’ve been less-than-successful.
It may seem counterintuitive, but this disclosure helps prospects to gain trust in our organization. They know that no team is perfect and that organizations that pretend to be faultless are lying.
2. Practice Q&A Judo
Despite all indications to the contrary, I still believe most people want to be thought of as honest.
As a result, I’ve found that people are far more likely to distort the facts by omitting information, rather than lying outright. This way, they don’t have to confront the truth (which may be difficult), and they still get to sleep soundly at night having convinced themselves that they did not tell a lie.
Omission, in my opinion, is one of the more deadly sins of modern business. It allows people to lie without any of the stigmas of outright fabrication.
To combat this, you have to employ a style of Q&A Judo.
In case you're not familiar, Judo is a form of martial arts where participants use holds and leverage to unbalance and ultimately gain a dominant position over an opponent. Judo is unique in that it is a fundamentally non-violent form of martial arts.
When you practice Q&A Judo, you’re actively working to position a conversation so that the other party cannot lie through omission.
This requires practice, planning, and discipline.
First, you must study the topic at hand and identify potential pitfalls. For example, when completing our first business acquisition, my co-founder and I had to gain an understanding of the specific dynamics of the industry in question. We knew that we needed to center our due diligence around reputational risk, potential litigation, and client relationships.
Next, you have to plan how you will ask the right questions. It’s human nature to guard information that could hurt our goals. The key is to find a way to use the natural flow of the conversation to leverage answers and get to the heart of the matter.
Typically, this comes down to asking direct questions and watching to see if the other party tries to redirect the conversation. If they answer your question without actually offering anything of value, then you’ll likely want to dig deeper.
Finally, you must have enough discipline to accept answers you may not want to hear.
I tend to get excited about new opportunities and ideas, and once that excitement takes root, I find myself avoiding answers that may cast doubt on the endeavor. I want to think the best of people, but I lack the discipline to accept bad news when I’m confronted with it.
3. Maintain a degree of cool detachment
I recently had the pleasure of meeting with a new potential business partner who has been tremendously successful in his previous ventures.
One thing that struck me during our conversations was how unflappable he was in the face of uncertainty. When I pointed it out, he responded by saying that he has practiced the art of “cool detachment” for years.
Put simply; this is the ability to remain calm, collected, and just distant enough from the matters at hand to stay objective.
When you get too emotionally invested in a relationship or opportunity, you become blind to the casual omissions and misdirection that occur all too often in business.
This detachment helps you keep things in perspective and enables you to avoid the self-induced blindness that leads to poor decision making.
The key with all of this is to live out the maxim “trust but verify.” We live in a world where truth is increasingly under attack. While we cannot control the actions of others, we can control how we approach and respond to them.
A mixture of vulnerability, intellectual Judo, and a healthy degree of detachment are crucial to navigating this brave new world and coming out ahead.
