Stress Management 101: How to Cope Better and Find Relief

Unless you plan to lock yourself in a room for the rest of your life, it’s impossible to exist without at least some level of stress every day, even while you’re on vacation.

“When you feel stress, hormones — such as adrenaline — are released that can improve alertness and performance in the moment,” says Margie Sieka, PhD, a counselor based in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. This response can help your body become more alert, focus better, and even work harder.

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Stress becomes a problem when it becomes chronic; when instead of coping with the thing that’s stressing you out, you let all those challenging thoughts and feelings percolate. “That’s when it starts to take a toll on your emotional and physical health,” says Jennifer Haden Haythe, MD, a cardiologist at Columbia University Irving Medical Center in New York City.

Your move? Be proactive about stress management so that your stress response doesn’t outweigh the stressor you’re facing. You’ll have a set of tried-and-true techniques for dealing with whatever shows up to find relief from your stress.

Regular self-care practices and behavior modifications can help keep stress from overwhelming you — and scale your stress response in proportion to the stressor.

“It’s important to understand that when it comes to stress and its impact on health, you may want to think about trying longer-term strategies and changes in lifestyle,” says Michelle Dossett, MD, PhD, MPH, an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

A healthy lifestyle — eating well, getting high-quality sleep, staying hydrated, and exercising regularly — can buffer you against the wear and tear of stress, says Holly Schiff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist with Jewish Family Services of Greenwich in Connecticut. These steps don’t eliminate the challenge, but they will ensure your strongest, calmest, most rational self shows up to meet whatever obstacle you’re facing.

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If, for example, you got a good night’s sleep, you spent an hour doing a workout you love after waking up, and you ate a satisfying breakfast, a midmorning crisis at the office is likely going to feel a little less hair-raising than if you were feeling sleep deprived, hungry because you skipped breakfast, and burned out because you haven’t made it to your favorite Pilates instructor’s class in so long.

As far as exercise goes, just make sure it’s something you enjoy. “Exercise doesn’t have to be intense, and you don’t have to join a gym,” Dr. Haythe says. “I tell my patients to buy a pair of sneakers and start walking for 15 to 20 minutes a day.”

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Some stressors get resolved relatively quickly and go away (a travel delay, a deadline at work, a toddler’s temper tantrum, to name a few). Other stressors are ones you have to cope with for long stretches of time, such as going through a divorce or breakup, managing a difficult health diagnosis, or looking for a new job. It could even be something exciting — say if you’re preparing for an upcoming move or planning a wedding.

“Anything that puts high demands on you can be stressful — even positive things,” Dr. Schiff says. On these occasions, sticking to your usual routines can be helpful.

“There is some reassurance in knowing what’s going to happen and when, not to mention that routines promote positive physical and mental health,” Schiff says. “When faced with events that are scary and largely out of our control, it’s important to realize what you can control.”

It’s also important to acknowledge the extra stress you’re feeling and perhaps take your stress management up a notch.

It’s also a good idea to lean on your social circle in times like these. “Spending time with family or friends who make you feel good, or finding a community with whom you share interests or spiritual beliefs, reduces stress,” says Alka Gupta, MD, the chief medical officer at Bluerock Care in Washington, DC.

Establishing a mindfulness practice may help. “Meditation is an important tool that can support us during those [stressful periods],” says Kelley Green Johnson, a mindfulness coach based in Brooklyn, New York. “Grounding ourselves through our breath can bring calmness and peace to our mind, instead of letting the outside world take control of our emotions and feelings.”

“Learning to stay in the present moment breaks the train of everyday thought that can stress you out,” Dr. Dossett says. “Whether you’re meditating, doing yoga, or taking a walk, if you pay attention to your body and your breath, you can’t be worrying about something else.”

Do keep in mind: Your stress management tools should serve you and not add to the stress. “It should feel natural and enjoyable and should fit into your routine relatively easily,” Dr. Gupta says. That means you should choose stress management practices that are affordable and convenient and that fit into your schedule.

Pay attention to these signs. “It is important to recognize the physiological signs of stress and address these symptoms in the moment to alleviate the potential harmful effects,” Dr. Sieka says.

The goal of stress management here is to acknowledge the feeling and then dial down those physiological changes and approach the challenge rationally with your mind (unless you truly do need to flee a fire or fight a bear), explains Melissa Dowd, a therapy lead at PlushCare, a virtual health platform.

If your reaction to stress (increased blood pressure, heightened alertness, and so on) sticks around even after the trigger is gone (you catch the train, the presentation goes just fine), short-term stress can become chronic, Dowd says.

“Stress that is not handled well and continues without relief can lead to chronic stress and contribute to physical concerns, such as headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and high blood pressure, and mental health problems, such as irritability, depression, anxiety, and substance use,” Sieka says.

Dowd says some people are more prone to chronic stress. “This can be due to genetics, life experiences, and unhealthy coping mechanisms,” she says.

It’s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve that can help you de-escalate stressful situations quickly, such as squeezing a stress ball, cueing up a mindfulness app, and doing deep-breathing exercises.

The point of these in-the-moment quick fixes is that they help turn off the body’s fight-or-flight stress response, so that you can more calmly cope with the challenge at hand and so that stress doesn’t become chronic, Dowd says.

If you find yourself frequently feeling that fight-or-flight response, or it’s difficult to manage, consider seeking help from a mental health provider (or asking your doctor if you don’t have a mental health provider).

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