7 Voices That Weaken Women’s Leadership

Barbara is in her late twenties and speaks with a relentlessly cheerful voice that can get on people’s nerves. She is always smiling, happy, and eager—and sounds as though she’s ten yours younger than she really is.

Our instructor asks her whether she used another voice during any time in her life. At first, she replies, “Oh no, this is the way I’ve always spoken.” Then upon reflection, she blurts out. “Oh my goodness—I remember now! I used to have a completely different voice when I was head of my debating society at university! . . . . It was way, way lower. People would say I was one of the best debaters they’d heard.””

“So what happened,” our instructor asked.

“Ever since I started working for my boss—six years ago when I was straight out of university—he’s asked me to smile. Every morning during those first few months I reported to him, he’d walk up to my desk and say, ‘Where’s that smile?’ Sometimes he’d say it twice or three times in one day. I guess that made my voice cheery and nice sounding.”

This story says a lot about our voice—and how it is shaped by external realities. Finding your true leadership voice often requires getting rid of vocal patterns we have acquired in our past. Do you have any of the “voices” described below that can undercut your leadership?

Our Many Voices

The little girl voice. This high-pitched, thin, and wispy tone makes the speaker sound younger and less confident than she really is. Often the little girl voice is accompanied by lifting the voice at the end of sentences as though asking a question, rather than making a statement. People won’t take you seriously if you sound 10 years old.

The cheerleader voice. This hyped up voice makes the speaker sound weak because she is trying so hard. The cheerleader pulls out all the stops, pushes her voice into the higher registers, picks up her pace, smiles a lot, and uses lots of fly-away energy. This voice lacks the gravitas and grounded commitment of a leader.

The maternal voice. This voice can be either loud and controlling or quietly domineering. A client came to us for coaching because she whispered when she spoke. She had worked as a kindergarten teacher and learned to get children’s attention with a quiet maternal voice. The problem is that people have to lean in to hear her speak, and her voice sounds manipulative to a business audience.

The helpful voice. This voice positions the speaker as a subordinate. A woman in one of our courses was the sort of person who could probably run a company. But her voice made her sound much lower in rank than she was. The helpful voice is submissive and always obliging. It turned out that she had begun her work life in a secretarial position; her voice got “stuck” in that lower role and never matured.

The girlfriend voice. This is a sweet, coy voice that may get attention in the office, but for the wrong reasons. It’s the vocal equivalent of short skirts and cleavage. It may have its side benefits, but it doesn’t work for someone who is career focused. This is not uncommon even among women who have no hidden agenda.

The nice voice. This is one of the more common voices women use because girls are raised to be “nice.” Unfortunately “nice” lacks power. In fact, being nice in the board room, conveys the impression that you are trying to make others feel good—thereby putting them in the power position and belittling your leadership.

The grateful voice. This tone can suggest that a woman feels she doesn’t deserve to be heard. One woman explained, “That gratefulness suggests we are not comfortable being at the table, and indicates we’re not as invested as other participants present.”

The manly voice. This is less common today than it once was, when women took on the male style to fit into a male-dominated work environment. This voice is low, often aggressive, and shows little or no warmth. In the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep plays an executive who adopts those tones.

If you identify with one of these voices, consider whether it serves you well as a leader. These voices play to a different audience and reflect a different time or role in our lives. It’s important to leave them behind if you want to sound like a leader.

What can you replace them with? A voice that is grounded and assertive without any of the overtones mentioned above. A leader’s voice is true to the thoughts being delivered—it has no other agenda. So connect your voice to the words you are delivering. Speak with conviction and power and depth. This will make all the difference in how your audience perceives you.

Guest Contributed by Judith Humphrey

Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com