Beware of Soul Killers

Part of life is having painful experiences, things that cause some emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual pain. We know more about alleviating physical pain than any of the others and that in itself causes concern. Our bodies can heal but our psyches, spirits and inner-selves are left wounded.

Most people, as they grow into adulthood and go through life, learn to put painful experiences in their place. They gain perspective and know, for example, that today's breakup is tomorrow's chance for love.

And every once in a while people run into Soul Killers, individuals who cause distress repeatedly and often without realizing they're doing so.

Soul Killing Pain

We all run into people who simply bring us down. They have a knack for draining us of our energy, our vitality, our joys and pleasures. Some people do this on purpose, others have the ability as an unwanted gift. The ones who do it on purpose are subtle - they have to be! The ones who don't do it on purpose may not be subtle and tend to be friends.

Both do it pretty much the same way; They tell us our experiences are invalid, not real, no good, inadequate and so on. They may be serious or joking and studies indicate such statements exact a psycho-emotional cost that results in a sense of futility and often physical exhaustion. Telling someone their personal experience is not relevant or inadequate is the same as telling them they are inadequate or not relevant.

There are four basic ways people can drain us. Here are some examples:

• Sensation - That didn't hurt.
• Emotion - Don't be upset.
• Character - You're not so special.
• Thought - You don't believe that.

Sometimes soul killing comes as a backward compliment. It sounds flattering but it distances us from what we're experiencing and stops us from healing:

• Sensation - You can shrug that off.
• Emotion - You're big enough not to let that bother you.
• Character - You'll have to be the mature one.
• Thought - You're too smart to fall for that.

Sometimes the most soul killing technique appears as the kindest; someone shares how they got through some painful experience rather than letting you get things out of your system. Sadly and most times, these people are doing what someone did to them. The end result is nobody heals and momentary pains become lifetime injuries.

We have the right to let people know when we're in pain or uncomfortable. Our sensations are real to us even if no one else can feel them.

Likewise, we have a right to our emotions. Modern society has only recently appreciated that people's Emotional Intelligence is often more important to their survival than their Cognitive intelligence.

Everybody is special, we're just all special in our own ways. People need to know they are honored and respected regardless of their abilities and achievements, and the only way to get others to celebrate yours is to celebrate them yourself.

And finally, our thoughts are valid and real, meaningful and useful because they are based on our experiences and no two people share the exact same life stories. We're allowed to believe what we want, and definitely what works for us, even if others think it's malarkey.

Summary

So pay attention the next time you start feeling down, depressed, weak, exhausted or drained. Did someone - or did you, yourself - attempt to kill your soul? Recognize soul killing techniques and no one will be able to kill your soul again.

That's all for now. Stay warm and well.

PS) This post also appears on my That Think You Do blog.