When You Find a Good Woman, Don't Mess It Up

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Over the years I have dated many women. Some have been really good for me and the relationship brought me closer to the Lord. Others were mere flashes in the pan and taught me what qualities I didn’t want my wife to posses. Dating is a difficult process sometimes and over the years my list has evolved and changed.

The other day I was reading Scripture and happened upon some sage advice from the wise King Solomon about the qualities of a good wife. If only I would have found this years ago, I could have saved myself some heartache.

Here is a list of what I would consider his top three most essential qualities that all Christian men should be looking for in a potential spouse.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm, all the days of her life.” (Prov. 31:11-12)

Trust is essential for every relationship. King Solomon could have just as easily applied this to a “good man” as he does a good woman. But a man should trust his wife and the trust is built and earned during the dating phase. You date to discover if this person is one you can trust with your salvation and the salvation of your future children.

Ultimately the goal of every Christian marriage is to get the other spouse to heaven. Will you and your spouse work tirelessly to get each other there?

"She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong.” (Prov. 31:16-17)

Wisdom and the strength of virtue are also essential qualities in a potential spouse. I am reminded of the Lord’s exhortation to be as “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). The godly woman should be wise in both spiritual matters as well as temporal matters. Is she strong in virtue and diligent with her spiritual exercises? It has always been important to me to find a spouse who spends time reading Scriptures and studies the faith. That the both of us together can allow the seeds of the Gospel to take root in our hearts.

The dating period is a time to discover the strengths, but also the weaknesses of your potential spouse. How does she spend her time and talents? How does she manage her temporal affairs? This is a good time to discuss how you would manage your financial affairs if you were to get married.

“She makes herself coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.” (Prov. 31:22)

Modesty and chastity cannot be overlooked when searching for a potential spouse. The characteristics of modest attire are hot button topics on dating sites and blogs. But the question must be asked, is your potential spouse modest in her dress and speech? Is she chaste in her actions? Or does she leave too little to the imagination and inflame the fire of lust in your heart?

King Solomon sets the bar high for what he considers a “good woman.” But men, you cannot hold women to a standard that you yourself do not first live.

A Christian man must be trustworthy, for his wife will trust him with her heart.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body” (Col 3:15).

A Christian man must be wise by living out the Christian virtues with heroic virtue and strength.

“Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him” (Col. 3:17).

A Christian man must be chaste and willing to sacrifice an immediate bodily pleasure for the greater good which is a chaste and holy marriage.

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire and covetousness which is idolatry.” (Col. 3:5)

When you find a good woman, King Solomon says, “she is far more precious than jewels.”

Gentlemen, if you find this good woman, she is precious. Treat her with love and respect and please don’t mess it up!

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