1. Kids will say stuff that makes absolutely no sense.
2. And they have no filter or concept of appropriateness.
3. Like, they don't understand that "you have big, awesome boobs the size of bombs" isn't something you should put in a note to your mom.
4. They seem to have even LESS of a filter in public.
5. They say (and do) what they want, which...isn't ideal.
6. And they like to talk about bodily functions...a lot.
7. Also, they have to spell out the obvious.
Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too
8. They can be totally savage.
4-year-old: Can we get a kitten? Me: I'm allergic. We can't be in the same house. 4: You could sleep outside.
9. And they might not even realize they're being savage.
"Mom, you were my best friend until I actually got friends" #shitmykidsays 😒
10. You can try to explain things to them, but there's a good chance they'll misunderstand what you're saying.
4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
11. Sometimes their misunderstandings are hilarious.
12. And, truth be told, you'll do a lot of laughing once your kid starts talking.
13. But sometimes their misunderstandings are sort of horrifying.
H (7yo): Mom, what's a humanitarian? B (6yo): I got this Ma. its like a vegetarian, but they eat humans. #ShitMyKidsSay Horrified or proud?
14. Other times they'll say horrifying things you'll WISH were misunderstandings.
15. I mean...
16. Then there are the times you don't know what they mean — and you don't want to know.
4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
17. They say things even they don't understand.
My 4yo: "Ugh! You're such an idiot mom!" Me: "What? Why?!" 4yo: "Wait...what does idiot mean?" #momlife #shitmykidssay
18. Eventually they learn to not only talk, but text — in an especially annoying way.
19. But then they learn how to text actual words, and everything — finally — is totally normal.
