In response to my post Power of Realistic vs Power of Positive Thinking, H Lee D (aka Heather) left the comment that she’s always spoken about her cancer in the past tense. She said “I had cancer” even before she was cancer free. This kind of language isn’t for me and isn’t found in my book Everything Changes. I’ve never been in remission and pretending to be is medically inaccurate and too far from the emotional reality of my life. Plus, I’ve never seen scientific evidence that our minds or our language can change the biomachanics of our tumors.
But Heather is one smart cookie, who has left dozens of insightful comments on my blog and sparked incredible conversations. So I wanted to better understand why she speaks in the past tense and asked her to write this guest post:
“I had cancer. This is how I spoke of the tumor in my chest, even before my first chemo treatment - in the past tense. My choice of language wasn’t denial — I was completely aware that after two-and-a-half weeks in the hospital, I had just been diagnosed with lymphoma and needed six months of chemo plus radiation.
Almost a year prior, I attended a three-day work training at the K-8 school where I teach. We learned to create visualizations and affirmations, and how and why they are effective. A piece of the training I used through cancer (and in other parts of my daily life) was putting myself where I wanted to be. Act as if it is so. Fake it til you make it: I had cancer.
My first clean PET scan was two months after my first treatment — earlier than medically anticipated. I believe my use of language, affirmations, visualizations all influenced my clean PET scan, but I certainly don’t give them full credit.
This is the basic premise: Your brain likes things to match. For example, if you believe you are clumsy, your brain helps ensure you trip over nothing, so that you are clumsy. Then your belief and your reality match. If you can convince your brain of something you want but currently aren’t, your brain will do what it needs to do to make everything match. It’s important to choose something you can visualize. For example, I can’t imagine myself running a 4-minute mile, so visualizing it would be futile. But I can imagine myself running a 10-minute mile, so I start there.
I alerted close friends and family that I was planning to speak in the past tense about my cancer hoping that they’d think me slightly less insane. No one said anything to me at the time, but their body language and confessions later revealed that they thought I was nuts.
When I called my mother-in-law to share the good news about my first clean scan, she said, “Well, you were right. I thought you were crazy, but you were right.” The oncology counselor at the hospital told me later that she thought I was in denial but had since come to realize that I just had a different outlook than most.”
How do you speak about your cancer? Have you ever used the past tense and if so when did you start? Do you believe language has the power to change biological processes?
Heather is a 34-year-old teacher, wife, friend, dog-mom, dancer, musician, triathlete, dreamer, personal trainer, not necessarily in that order. Check out her health and fitness blog change-is-possible.net
“Everything Changes is, without doubt, the most forthright, emotionally sophisticated, and plain-old valuable book of its kind I've seen.”
May 18th, 2010 at 2:20 PM
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kairol Rosenthal. Kairol Rosenthal said: Do you believe that positive language has the power to heal? Check out my blog post on the topic: http://ow.ly/1MIEz #cancer #healing [...]
May 18th, 2010 at 6:53 PM
I totally believe we make choices when it comes to how we feel about things and that a smile usually gets us further than whining and complaining.
The thing that gets me through everything is not necessarily positivity, but using my brain. Without my own research and persistence I never would have been diagnosed.
With that being said, this is very well stated and certainly does make a lot of sense.
May 18th, 2010 at 7:33 PM
I actualy did have cancer and now I don’t. I always say I had cancer. I do not label myself “a survivor.” That keeps me identified to the cancer. Hopefully my prognosis will remain this way.
To some degree, if you believe the words you say, it is true. If you think you are lucky, you are…but no amount of wishful and positive words can make up for bad biology. Sometimes it is the nature and not the nuture, so I am always wary about blaming a victom. If only you could think more positively….then you’d be healthy. Yeah, that’s a load of crap.
May 18th, 2010 at 8:21 PM
Magical thinking is always tempting. You find it in every culture. Cancer is scary, so I’m not surprised to see people engage in magical thinking. It gives them the illusion of control over a largely uncontrollable disease. And it comforts them. Hey, whatever gets you through the night. However, that doesn’t make a premise any more true than the fable of the tooth fairy. Logic 101: Correlation does not prove causation. I’m with Alk. I believe we should support cancer survivors without implying they failed at visualization or meditation or whatever the latest “cure” is. I’m in my 9th year of remission, but if I said it was because I think nice thoughts, or because I’m so special or because I’m a native Texan or ANYTHING would be tacky, and maybe cruel as well. I’ve been lucky, so far, and I’m deeply grateful. But I know that tomorrow my luck could run out. I don’t like it, but I can live with it.
May 18th, 2010 at 8:51 PM
I do try to say “I had (thyroid) cancer” rather than “have cancer” ever since my surgery which was presumably curative. It’s an interesting topic, though, b/c when exactly did I start saying it that way? It was a gradual thing. Immediately after the surgery, it certainly didn’t come naturally to say that it was all in the past, when the recovery process was very much in the present tense! And I don’t think I could imagine ever saying I “had” cancer BEFORE any treatment was finished with some objective medical evidence that that was the case. Even now, it does feel a bit odd, b/c I haven’t even had any post-op tumor markers or scans to prove that there’s no residual cancer anywhere. I *wish* it were so simple as to just state positive statements and make it reality. But before I knew my ultrasound results, I don’t know how many times I said both to myself and out loud, “It’s going to be benign,” and yet the result was still positive for cancer.
May 18th, 2010 at 9:01 PM
Interesting outlook…I don’t talk about my cancer in the past tense. I’m not cancer free, so say “I have cancer” rather than “I had cancer.” I don’t feel like I’m being pessimistic or hindering my healing process by thinking this way. I actually HATE it when people talk about my cancer in the past tense. Personally, I need to face it. It’s reality for me, and it’s more cathartic for me to fully accept that reality head on. However, I respect those who adopt a thought process like Heather’s. It’s about what works for you.
May 18th, 2010 at 11:13 PM
Thanks for all your comments. This might be a good time to add in a story about one of my own power of positive thinking experiences.
Eight years ago, during my second RAI treatment, I was laying on the table for my full body scan. It took hours and the entire time a calmed my body and mind by repeating an affirmation that nothing in my body would lighting up. I also visualized that there would be nothing on the scan, no cancer lighting up at all, just normal structure and normal spaces in between with no cancer lighting up.
I was shocked and amazed when after a team of docs poured over my scan, they came back into the room and said “Nothing lit up at all.” Thank God, I thought and hugged my family and boyfriend in relief. The docs interrupted me and said, “Yeah, nothing lit up. But that’s not a good thing because you’ve ingested a large tracer dose of radioactive iodine, which should light up because we know from your blood work there is cancer in you. That you are not lighting up probably means you don’t uptake radioactive iodine so you have to go through treatment but there is only a small likelihood that it will have any impact on your cancer.”
It was a horrible moment that was the beginning of me realizing that my thyroid cancer was an unusually complicated case and quite atypical. I wondered if I had somehow caused this terrible news with the power of my so called positive thinking. Years later, I am able to look back at it and chuckle a bit thinking that my mind or language had much to do with any of it.
May 20th, 2010 at 10:15 AM
Agree or disagree, but please don’t condescend.
It is not “magical thinking” and it’s not “positive thinking” (and it’s not the opposite of being pessimistic, really) — it’s simply putting yourself where you want to be before you’re there, viewing the finish line from mile 2, instead of being mired at mile 2.
It’s actually based on quantum physics and has a lot of research behind it — just not in the realm of cancer. I have used it for other things that have plagued me since I was small (i.e. overeating) and it has worked wonderfully. I have witnessed it work for coworkers on a variety of things.
Please keep in mind that this post is a 3-day training condensed into a few paragraphs.
Do I think that as I’m getting a scan, if I think over and over, “It’s not going to light up” that it’s not going to light up? No. Do I think that if I actively create visualizations and affirmations that I use daily on a long-term basis and change how I see/think about/talk about my lot in life that it can create positive change? Yes.
I don’t know anyone (though some might speak up now) who does NOT believe that one can think one’s self sick. If that is true, why can’t one think one’s self well?
It’s not a matter of not supporting cancer patients. I know a lot of people who have been through it, and I’m the only one I know personally who has used this. Do I not support my friends because they don’t do this? Do I think that they are responsible for their cancer because they don’t use this training? No! Sheesh.
It’s not a matter of not facing it or not dealing with it — it’s just dealing with it in a way that is not traditional. I went and got IVs, had poison pumped for hours into my bloodstream, lost my hair, threw up, was out of work for 6 months, went to radiation before work every day for a month (because my leave had run out) — there was no denying that I was a cancer patient. But I set my focus on when I was done, on life after cancer.
The training, if you’re interested in learning more about it, was called 21 Keys and was offered through The Pacific Institute. Our trainer was Theresa, and she was excellent.
May 20th, 2010 at 3:28 PM
I must note that quantum physics does not support the theory that people can create reality based on visualizations or intentional thought. These interpretations of quantum physics might be supported by the New Age or metaphysical communities but are not supported by the scientific community.
May 21st, 2010 at 6:12 PM
I believe people should use whatever works for them, but of course not everything will always work for everyone, even if it’s worked for other people in similar situations. This kind of goes for all approaches. And the correlation vs causation thing is a good point. To my knowledge, we havent yet used people with the exact same genetic makeup, environment,condition, etc to test if it’s the thinking alone that helped. We cant yet go back in time and try things without the affirmations and see if we still wind up with the desired outcome. So it’s hard to 100% say that is what worked, though I’m sure it helps in coping with adverse circumstances and in turn helps quality of life.
I have seen really negative people, that had an “easier” time with cancer, and be in remission for years, my mom for example. While other people, can be so “positive” and use affirmations that they will be fine,etc and they wind up with end stage cancer. With cancer, based on what I’ve learned/seen, I really think everyone responds differently, and it’s a combo of genetics, sometimes lifestyle, and often luck.
I think sometimes affirmations/visualizations can be helpful, depending on the issue/situation, and they can’t hurt, unless they prevent you from taking realistic actions, but that’s not what was being talked about here. When used to build up esteem/confidence to get through some encounter, task or a performance, sure. To help put you in a better frame of mind, to give you hope, so that mentally you benefit and might better tolerate a given situation, sure.
As far as directly affecting the outcome of one’s medical condition, that, I have not had any personal success with, nor do I think it would be a typical result. However, I would say it depends on what the “condition” is, and also if there’s a psychological component or basis to it. Also, if things like stress, anxiety, depression, cause that person’s condition to become exacerbated, then of course having a healthier state of mind could obviously prevent more flare ups, though would probably not be curative if the underlying cause was completely physiological.
As far as my personal experience goes.. I’ve been sick for 15yrs now with a condition that worsens from year to year. I was 16 when it started and I loved to dance. When I first got sick, I never thought it would last. I always affirmed/visualized I’d get better. I even attended every dance class that whole year and just sat and watched, cause I was too sick to perform, because in my mind, I was going to get better, I wasn’t sick, I was going to be in the recital. It never happened despite my absolute conviction it would.
The same thing goes for my overall health from year to year. Always affirmed I wouldn’t staysick, whatever was happening would be gone, I not only visualized being healthy and the things I’d do, but even forced myself through whatever activities I could, getting sicker the whole time and barely making it at times, but I wasn’t going to be sick anymore, I wasn’t going to let my illness win.
Of course I also was researching, trying various medical and alternative treatments throughout the years, but nothing worked. When I was 29, my 13th year of illness, I vowed I’d be better by my 30th bday. That I’d push even harder with the doctors,etc and really not stop til I get help/feel better, cause enough was enough. A month later, my symptoms grew a lot worse, but I still called it lucky year 13 and insisted that it’d be “too cliche” to have something bad happen that year and for me, since I’ve always been an atypical case, that 13 would have to mean the opposite for me, good luck.
Well, 3 months before I turned 30, I got the cancer diagnosis on top of things, it was why my symptoms were worsening. I still tried to believe it was somehow going to lead to me feeling better. I visualized being done with everything and having this big party to celebrate how I was finally well. I have a list of activities I’m going to do when I get better. Though in remission, sadly my other condition got super aggravated from the chemo, it’s now 13mo later and I’m still far from being physically better. I’m not well enough to work, and just found out my insurance will end in a month, possibly for good, and am in the process of having to fight for continued disability.
Despite my best efforts, my strong will, how bad I want it and still visualize it one day happening, it hasn’t happened. I still keep the hope but recently I’ve had to also deal with the reality of my situation, after 15yrs, if it doesnt happen, if i dont get better, how do I support myself and how do I still create meaning/purpose out of my life?
Anyway, sorry for the long story, but my experiences make me identify more with a line from Kairol’s book…”…Life’s circumstances don’t necessarily comply with will or effort.”
May 24th, 2010 at 9:22 AM
I always love it when I get a comment on my blog from Tara. This one is so especially insightful. I can really relate to the complexity of dealing with health circumstances over the long haul. My relationship to expectations, goals, and desires has had to adapt over time the longer I live with this disease. It’s not just that ‘everything changes’ once or twice after a diagnosis or onset of illness, but I have to keep making my internal reality, hope and drive change to match the ever unfolding timeline of my disease. I firmly believe that I can control the smarts of my approach to the system and I can control my response to the events of my disease. But achieving remission no matter how hard I envision it, is likely not going to happen anytime soon.
May 24th, 2010 at 2:39 PM
Kairol, since we have basically the same experience, I kinda deal with it the same way. I don’t talk past tense, cuz that’s not accurate, there’s no remission or words like that, my reality is just if i’m sick, there’s active cancer or not. There are always spots they’re watching an waiting…but i hope they never manifest or i have to have another surgery, no way…I’m also a superstitious freak so when they took a biopsy of my tongue recently, thinking it might be lymphoma, but totally not sure, i didn’t want them to say it out loud….i was like don’t tell me what it could be, just do it and if its positive and there’s something concrete then ill deal.
I was suprised when i filled out a form for cancer camp an there was a box saying in treatment - yes or no, an i put no, cuz I wasn’t up for surgery, i’m resistant to radiation etc, and my Dr crossed it out an put yes, and put my Levoxy dose, which is my preventative hyper dose….
Im kinda like, everyone is different, however we can succeed in our lives an make it through all this an have a good quality of life, go for it.
Language is a hard thing, cuz its so confusing, we know what we mean, whats frustrating is that people (non cancer) want me to say i’m cured, i’m in remission, but that’s not the truth an i wont say it, I will explain i am not sick right now and i’m watched over…my dad just mentioned about calling my new film ‘in remission’ an i flipped out and said that i’m not dad, that doesn’t really apply and i was pissed cuz i don’t want my stuff jinxed…whatever and then im frustrated cuz its my dad an really has no clue whats going on with my cancer and doesn’t really want to…he just wants it fixed.
this is such a loaded topic, an i always want to make a point to say this is my situation, this applies to how i deal an whats going on in my body, everyone has their own way of using their language and describing their situation an its all chill
May 24th, 2010 at 3:26 PM
LEELA - I’m thinking of you and your biopsy but I won’t say much more because even though I’m not superstitious, I understand well the feeling of too much talk’n = jinxed!
May 26th, 2010 at 5:46 PM
Thanks Kairol:-) And yea, having to adapt to the changing and longterm reality of things is quite a process;-) I find it’s even harder to do when others, although often well-meaning, either directly or indirectly force their expectations, hopes, etc on you. Sometimes I finally get myself to a nice little point of rationalization/coping with the suckiness of things, andthen get thrown off course when everyone else puts their 2cents in.
And ha, I totally am with you guys on the whole “jinx” thing. I don’t consider myself that superstitious, but when referring to certain things, like cancer, it may seem silly but I kinda feel talking in definitives jinxes things. Maybe cause I’ve had it happen in other areas of life and don’t want to mess with the cancer. So when people ask I usually say something like, “right now.. it seems to be in remission or not active” and then I don’t feel like I’m tempting fate with too much hubris;-)
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:35 PM
I believe people should use whatever works for them, but of course not everything will always work for everyone, even if it’s worked for other people in similar situations. This kind of goes for all approaches. And the correlation vs causation thing is a good point. To my knowledge, we havent yet used people with the exact same genetic makeup, environment,condition, etc to test if it’s the thinking alone that helped. We cant yet go back in time and try things without the affirmations and see if we still wind up with the desired outcome. So it’s hard to 100% say that is what worked, though I’m sure it helps in coping with adverse circumstances and in turn helps quality of life.
I have seen really negative people, that had an “easier” time with cancer, and be in remission for years, my mom for example. While other people, can be so “positive” and use affirmations that they will be fine,etc and they wind up with end stage cancer. With cancer, based on what I’ve learned/seen, I really think everyone responds differently, and it’s a combo of genetics, sometimes lifestyle, and often luck.
I think sometimes affirmations/visualizations can be helpful, depending on the issue/situation, and they can’t hurt, unless they prevent you from taking realistic actions, but that’s not what was being talked about here. When used to build up esteem/confidence to get through some encounter, task or a performance, sure. To help put you in a better frame of mind, to give you hope, so that mentally you benefit and might better tolerate a given situation, sure.
As far as directly affecting the outcome of one’s medical condition, that, I have not had any personal success with, nor do I think it would be a typical result. However, I would say it depends on what the “condition” is, and also if there’s a psychological component or basis to it. Also, if things like stress, anxiety, depression, cause that person’s condition to become exacerbated, then of course having a healthier state of mind could obviously prevent more flare ups, though would probably not be curative if the underlying cause was completely physiological.
As far as my personal experience goes.. I’ve been sick for 15yrs now with a condition that worsens from year to year. I was 16 when it started and I loved to dance. When I first got sick, I never thought it would last. I always affirmed/visualized I’d get better. I even attended every dance class that whole year and just sat and watched, cause I was too sick to perform, because in my mind, I was going to get better, I wasn’t sick, I was going to be in the recital. It never happened despite my absolute conviction it would.
The same thing goes for my overall health from year to year. Always affirmed I wouldn’t staysick, whatever was happening would be gone, I not only visualized being healthy and the things I’d do, but even forced myself through whatever activities I could, getting sicker the whole time and barely making it at times, but I wasn’t going to be sick anymore, I wasn’t going to let my illness win.
Of course I also was researching, trying various medical and alternative treatments throughout the years, but nothing worked. When I was 29, my 13th year of illness, I vowed I’d be better by my 30th bday. That I’d push even harder with the doctors,etc and really not stop til I get help/feel better, cause enough was enough. A month later, my symptoms grew a lot worse, but I still called it lucky year 13 and insisted that it’d be “too cliche” to have something bad happen that year and for me, since I’ve always been an atypical case, that 13 would have to mean the opposite for me, good luck.
Well, 3 months before I turned 30, I got the cancer diagnosis on top of things, it was why my symptoms were worsening. I still tried to believe it was somehow going to lead to me feeling better. I visualized being done with everything and having this big party to celebrate how I was finally well. I have a list of activities I’m going to do when I get better. Though in remission, sadly my other condition got super aggravated from the chemo, it’s now 13mo later and I’m still far from being physically better. I’m not well enough to work, and just found out my insurance will end in a month, possibly for good, and am in the process of having to fight for continued disability.
Despite my best efforts, my strong will, how bad I want it and still visualize it one day happening, it hasn’t happened. I still keep the hope but recently I’ve had to also deal with the reality of my situation, after 15yrs, if it doesnt happen, if i dont get better, how do I support myself and how do I still create meaning/purpose out of my life?
Anyway, sorry for the long story, but my experiences make me identify more with a line from Kairol’s book…”…Life’s circumstances don’t necessarily comply with will or effort.”
July 26th, 2010 at 10:06 AM
I’m halfway through a two-year treatment protocol for stage 3-4 acute lymphoblastic leukemia, so I currently just refer to myself as “a cancer patient”, thereby being accurate and avoiding the “have/had” issue. I have been in remission since May 2009, and I’ve been ahead of the curve the entire time (despite the fact that I adamantly refuse to consider cancer to be a blessing of any sort), but I don’t yet consider myself fully, confidently out of the woods. Also, the Livestrong attitude of referring to the date of your diagnosis as “the day I became a cancer survivor” is one I find to be disingenuous and sometimes cruel. First off, calling yourself a “cancer victim” or “cancer patient” is not an admission of personal failure. Sometimes, things go haywire on a micro level, biologically speaking, and the result is cancer. Acknowledging this is not shameful. We like to be in control and chart our own course, so deciding “not to be a victim” can be appealing; cancer is a scary reminder that we don’t call all the shots in our own lives, and while you can describe it in myriad ways, this basic reality frustratingly remains the same.
Secondly, the physical world does not operate on a principle of “clap your hands and Tinkerbell will live”, and semantics do not alter reality. I’m not against holistic therapy; I have used meditation and visualization to allow myself space from the immediate hell of radiation and chemo, but never with the idea that I was actually putting myself into my own future or engaging in productive training like an athlete might before a big competition. I’ve known people who have done so religiously, and they tend to relapse or die with the same frequency as those who stick exclusively to conventional therapies.
Finally, I find speech of this nature to be indirectly cruel and harmful, since it’s part of the bigger “think yourself sick, think yourself well” modern rhetoric that essentially blames the victim both for her illness, and her possible inability to overcome it: “Not only did you do this to yourself, but you’re now not trying hard enough to fix it.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think someone like Heather is actively trying to demonize other cancer victims, but I strongly believe that the decades-out-of-date anecdotal schlock pushed by people like Bernie Siegel, despite the fact that it has been disproved time and again, is the source of the “it is what I call it” attitude.
Understandably, magical thinking can be very appealing to many people who wish they could do something active to promote their own health and destroy their disease, rather than just show up passively for treatment, that they ascribe to this system that is conveniently self-fulfilling: if you criticize it, well, you’re just one of those negative people, so you couldn’t possibly understand, and by the way, you’re probably making yourself sicker. And if you die, which is sadly the case for far too many people, it’s your own fault; how is that not a cruel concept, lacking any human empathy?
I realize that I’ve strayed a bit from the question of how we describe our cancers, and into the positive-vs-realistic issue, but I find I can’t discuss one without getting into the other. And semantics is hugely important in the current cancer climate. Consider how many obituaries describe someone as having “lost his battle with liver cancer”: the disease didn’t kill him, rather, he failed to defeat it. What does this say about our cultural approach to illness? Anyway, sorry if this is overlong as a result!
PS- I have to add that Michael R. is absolutely right and that quantum physics does not support positive thinking, attractive as the idea may be. Quantum physics has been bastardized by several different groups of non-physicists to support all manner of concepts. Similarly, when genetics was a new and exciting field of study, it was corrupted to provide “proof” for racist attitudes, and eugenics was born. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and in both cases, the result is bad science.
PPS- I’m a longtime reader, but this is my first post, and I just want to say thanks, Kairol, for creating such a cancer patient-positive environment, and always providing interesting food for thought!
July 26th, 2010 at 5:21 PM
Cat - It’s great to get a first time comment from a long time reader. Thanks for your reply. It gets a big high-five from me and from others who have linked to it today on facebook.
When I read the Bernie Siegal part, it reminded me of a quote from Geoff, a guy who I interviewed in Everything Changes who was given six months to live. Thirteen years later, I was sitting next to him with a tape recorder in my hand when he said this:
“I’ve finally realized that I don’t need a big label like ‘survivor.’ Everyone thinks that survivors are fighters. I don’t think I really fought for my life. I laid there and got doped out of my mind for six months and got well, while other people were sitting around reading Bernie Siegel, doing their imagery work, and died. Nobody can say they should have fought harder.”
Yep, if thinking positive thoughts and creating positive images were enough to cure us of cancer, the world would be a fantastic place and this disease would not suck so much. While I don’t believe that our thoughts can impact our tumor growth, I do think they have the power to make whoever is thinking them feel better about themselves and their circumstances. For some people being positive with the use of the word survivor or speaking in the past tense is what works. What makes me feel best is calling myself a cancer patient. What does it for me is being blunt about the sometimes harsh reality of my life with illness. It makes me feel better. Too bad that my blunt, realistic language also does not have the power to cure my cancer.
Thinking of you Cat, and tell your husband I love his actuarial perspective.
Kairol