“Drama Queens” and their male counterparts may look like they’re responding quickly — rallying the troops, taking charge and solving problems. But they cause more chaos and create more fallout than the problems they’re reacting to.
Don’t be fooled by their high energy and don’t promote them.
Drama Queens come in many forms. For example:
• Sherry made quick decisions, gave commands and demanded immediate results. She loudly proclaimed that she won’t put up with people who don’t perform. She promised to confront them and give them poor evaluations.
She ranted in her office, but never followed through. She quickly forgot her promises and moved on to blow up about the next catastrophe she saw. But no amount of good performance would get you off her “bad” list. She’d sabotage you without telling you why.
• Charlie looked and sounded like Sherry, but there was a difference. No matter how trivial the problem, he immediately found someone to blame without any attempt to determine what really happened. He hunted them down and spewed his rage at them in public.
His invective knew no bounds. It was personal and demeaning. Sometimes he backed up his threats by hastily firing people. The human resources department often had to bail him out to avoid unfair-employment-practice lawsuits.
• Charlotte lived in constant fear. She was sure everyone was out to destroy her baby. She was devastated and enraged by comments or perceived criticism or insults. She knew the organization would fall apart if she wasn’t on-site. Before she went on vacation she’d spend a week leaving copious, detailed instructions for everyone.
Charlotte elevated expectations just to make sure the troops didn’t slack off. But she couldn’t even get to the airport before she started calling in. Woe to anyone who wasn’t on 24-hour alert. She called people at home in the middle of the night to review every detail of the day. The slightest hiccup set off a fire storm of conference calls.
• Carl was charming and kind until right before a deadline. Then he panicked. Everyone had to drop whatever else they were doing and help him. You must serve him or face his wrath. But after the deadline was met, his charm returned, and it’s candy and flowers for everyone — until the next red alert.
Although they come in many forms, Drama Queens share some common traits. They:
• Act as if drama is more important than results, although they believe that drama is necessary to get results.
• Seem strong and forceful, but are perfectionistic, nit-picking, control freaks.
• Overreact as if everything is a matter of life and death. They jump to conclusions and blow up. They’re super-intense, angry, hostile and emotional, instead of thoughtful.
• Want all hands on deck and devoted to the latest emergency. Nothing else matters.
• Are vindictive blamers. They take everything personally and remember forever.
• Think that spewing of emotions reveals the “real” person. They’re uncomfortable with coworkers they see as expressionless. To Drama Queens, loud emotions show strength; calm people are wimps.
Drama Queens create chaos as soon as they walk in the building. Their hyperactive, panicky, adrenaline-rush is addictive and contagious. Soon, everyone is on edge, rushing around without direction and ready to blow up at the slightest provocation.
Logic won’t change them. And you won’t cure them. They have great reasons why their style makes them successful. Only a devastating comeuppance or years of intensive therapy have a chance of changing that style.
If you promote one, you’ll be stuck forever picking up the fallout or you’ll become a target of her histrionics and revenge.
How can a Drama Queen who recognizes the problem break the pattern?
• New habits are required. Train yourself to shut your mouth and walk away before jumping in.
• Find a confidant to talk you down from each emotional high. Respond with your brain, not your adrenaline.
• Hire competent people with a calm, steady, disciplined style and force yourself, against your better judgment, to get out of their way.
• Get a job in which everything really is a matter of life or death.
What can you do if you work with, or for, a Drama Queen?
• Quietly sound out HR and the Drama Queen’s boss, without appearing to be critical. Are they aware of the problem? Will they act or do they like her style or think she’s too valuable?
• Document loss of customers, employees or profit — make a business case. Find a champion higher up in the company who’s willing to remove her.
• Get a divorce. With good grace, not making a scene, transfer to another department.
• Endure until you retire. Stay as calm and competent as you can while knowing that she won’t change. Find a soundproof room in which to vent.
• Polish your resume and look for another company.
Our language has many expressions for the perspective necessary for judicious action: Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill; don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater; don’t try to kill mosquitoes with a bazooka; don’t jump to conclusions; don’t promote a Drama Queen.
Ben Leichtling, Ph.D., is a Denver-based consultant, leadership adviser and speaker. Contact him at Ben@LeichtlingAssoc.com.